The Girl of my dreams
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Ok, some of you know me... and some of you will not, however the one's that know me best will know that I fell in love a long time ago with a girl in My office (she's 28, Im 29), her name is Kelly and I am Kev. She was seeing this other guy at the time, but as soon as she walked past me (I was in training having been promoted) I saw her for the first time I just knew she'd be something special for me... I knew we were destined for something more than just work collegues... I asked around and found out her name and what she did for our company. Months past with no contact, by this time Id found out who she was seeing and what he was like, Id found out that altough they had been together for some time they had been fighting and argueing for months (if not longer)... So I waiting my time and just watched, not doing anything... Im not very confident talking to girls until they get to know me, then I can be open about fancying them quite easily without fear of rejection or embarrasment so I knew Id be able to tell her, once the ice was broken.
The Ice breaker came in the form of a 'Jabber' (In house MSM) she asked me to look at something work related for her and I duely obliged... I completed the assigned task and she thanked me... then we went through this same routine for many more weeks... she started to say hello in the office on her way out for fag breaks... Eventually we were talking about more than just work on Jabber and I told her I thought she was soooo beautiful, the best looking girl at the office by far. I told her I didn't see why she was with her boyfriend, he was really weird looking and not nice to her at all.
It got to be a relationship where she would tell me all her problems with him, really opening up and giving me intimate details about their life together and I was her Office shoulder to cry on... she and I were meant to be, that's as far as I was concerned, everything she said he didn't do... every little detail about what she wanted in a guy went into my head and was stored in my Kelly folder to be used later to great affect I hoped.
She'd talked about leaving him and told me she'd snap me up if she did become single, I was just what she wanted in a guy. Inevitably she didn't break up with him after many promises she would... after months of this going on Id told her I thought I was maybe in LOVE with her a little... ( I was fooling myself in her sight, I was CRAZY about this girl) I asked her to come and meet my friends to get away from him for a weekend or just 1 night at least... she didn't need money or anything, just come and stay with me... This went on for longer than I can remember, but eventually the day came... we were on a Non-talking phase, too many broken promises and she called me out of the blue and said she needed to get away from him.
I told her of course she can come over and see me, she said she didn’t want anything heavy… no partying (I was at the time, a total Party ANIMAL – seshing with my friends was my life’s work)… so I had a quite talk to my friend (shared a house with me) he made himself scarce and she came over… she looked breathtaking, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her… she drank a bottle of wine and cried and laughed and it was great… we eventually kissed and she told me she had feeling for me too.. (this was August 2006 – so stop reading now if your bored this will go on for a good while yet)
She stayed with me but I declined her sexual advances when it got to the last point before nakedness… I didn’t want to ruin it, Id already had one of the best nights of my life. She went home the next day (To the flat they shared) then came back again the next night (a Saturday) and repeat performance, just the 2 of us and wine and laughs… I told her about my life and she told me about hers… mostly boyfriend stuff but I’m not a teenager so I didn’t get jealous. We kissed again and this time it was even better, she thanked me for not taking advantage the night before but once again tried to get me to sleep with her and I once again declined saying I would never take advantage of her emotional or drunken state (not this girl, she was just too damn important to me).
She stayed all weekend and we went out on the Sunday night clubbing, she wasn’t interested in the music really but she had a good time and met some of my best friends. She went back to him and I had a week off work, Id accidentally given her a love bite on her neck in the midst of passion and she had to cover it up before going home!
She text me a few days later telling me they had Made up… she was back with him and was sorry things couldn’t be different but she just couldn’t break his heart… I was devastated obviously and drank myself stupid for a few days, I couldn’t look at her at work, but having to see them walk out of the office together at 4pm everyday was Horrid!!! HORRID!!! (he worked there too you see)
Skip forward about 2 weeks and we’d started talking again, jabber was our method, it had worked this far so why change it… She was talking about how different he was now and how he’d really been so loving and affectionate towards her again, they even started having SEX on a regular basis (I found this detail to me disliking but agreed with her that if I hadn’t been in love with her she would have told me as friends) I had to just cope with this and tell her I was happy for her.. What else could I do?
Next 2 months passed without any further incident, then it slowly started to decline and sure enough before long she was at her wits end again. This time it was “that’s it, I’m definitely not going to change my mind this time…. I hate him”… That went on for maybe a few weeks, then she came back in From 1 weekend smiling ear to ear… hand in hand again… I knew already, she didn’t even have to tell me this time and I told her as much when the Flash appeared at the bottom of my monitor… Kelly…. Flashing… Kelly Kelly Kelly.. got to answer her some time… Flash flash flash.
I eventually realised that this was going to be our routine unless I did something about it… I was at home on a VERY depressing day for me, Id been drinking all weekend anyway as always but had been thinking a lot about Kelly and how much I just wanted 1 chance… she’d see then just how amazing a relationship could be with the right Guy…. I write an Email to her on my Laptop… it wasn’t a massive sob story, just a few Lines (I still have this on Gmail somewhere)… It didn’t ask her any questions or require a reply, truth be told Id never even planned on sending it… But after several glasses of Very strong Vodka Tonic, send it I DID…… I waited almost 2 hours for a reply but I got one back… something along the lines of “that was very selfish and insensitive of you, I know your hurting and I know your feeling towards me are making you this was but I can’t help it I DO love him and I don’t want to hurt him I can’t be in 2 places at once… “
I replied with something Rude and Vulgar… “I wasn’t F*****G asking you I was just telling you how I felt” something like that…. This was approx 4pm MONDAY and Id finished the bottle of Vodka…. And fell asleep on the Sofa. My housemate was out of town that night. Ring Ring…… Ring Ring Open your eye’s Boyo!!!…. Ring Ring.
I answered Kelly’s call and she was crying, they had a massive fight and she had to get out of the house, could she come over…. I answered of course she can… and she did. We Hugged I didn’t say “I told you so” and I just held her and she cried… I loved her more then than Id ever loved her before… I wasn’t even a little mad at her.
She told me what had happened, he’d locked her in the bathroom and she was scared to death… he eventually let her out but she couldn’t go home.
She did go home, but promised to come out with me again the next weekend, we went clubbing again and she stayed at mine…. We had SEX… for the first time and It was clumsy and uncomfortable and lasted for no time at all, it wasn’t anything like I Expected…. I was pretty drunk and so was she… so we put it down as 1 of them.
We woke the next day to a houseful of party animals slowly dragging themselves up…. We sat around, smoked a lot and drank Tea… had SO much laughter it was BRILL couldn’t have been funnier, I’ve always been HORNY as can be the day after a heavy drink… I could literally go all day when hung over… so I was cuddled up to her on the Sofa and whispered in her ear, does she fancy doing it some more… sober for a change… she said yes so off to bed we went…. It was so passionate, probably at the time the best LOVING sex of my life…. It was superb, she was so pretty and I couldn’t have been happier, I actually managed to Orgasm 3 times without ever going soft… It was testament to just how much I loved her.
She managed to come several times throughout and she left in the afternoon having text me “that was so amazing”…
2 weeks later, she was back with HIM again.
Fast forward for 6 months, I’m sure you can probably GUESS what happened during that time, more of the same… break-ups and make ups… me in the WIND as always… waiting, patiently waiting for my chance.
I even got invited to a pre-party at HER house before the office CHRISTMAS party…. Who invited me??? HE DID. I went, there was only ME, Kelly, Jo and HIM Me Kelly and Jo obviously clued up to my feelings but He was NON the wiser even though you could Cut the atmosphere with a knife.
We went to the party and I had stayed with them for a little while, my best friend text me and said “How you holding up mate? Are you coping ok?? We’re out now so text me when you’ve had enough and you can come and meet us”
It wasn’t too long after Id seen them loosen up (few drinks in) they had started kissing… I high tailed it… Legged it.. Fast as I could, got a Taxi and went to meet my friends…. Strangely enough had an excellent time as well.
As I always did I decided to take a 1 month DETOX in January, no Alcohol or Cigarettes to pass my lips… I Made it, no problem… Didn’t even slip once… Managed to pull in January too, on a non-drinking night out, I met another girl… she was on the RE-bound and happened to like me… (also another office girl)… We got together and I couldn’t imagine it would last, but last we did until the Summer of 2007.
Kelly had told me at one point after she’d found out I was seeing another girl in the office that she was Jealous… I had a go at her about that… I was only trying to move on, as she’d told me to do a thousand times.
When it ended with Clare I found out she was seeing someone else when Id been with her, and she was with him as soon as we ended, it turned out he was the Re-Bound… I wasn’t in the slightest bit Jealous or bothered at ALL.. She was never what I wanted… But the SEX was GREAT!!! I’m not kidding she was a MINX, filth… it was perfect for a bloke… a girl who had ZERO inhibitions and was happy with her body and Flaunting it…
Id had a chat with my live in Shrink and we’d discussed what went wrong with Clare and what I was going to do next, I mentioned to him that Id seen Kelly in the Smoking shelter at work and she’d reached up to touch something on the ceiling and her shirt had ridden up, exposing her midriff… . just the slightest peek and I was HOOKED again… It wasn’t that I needed someone like her…. IT HAD TO BE HER.
She promised me she would break up with him so many times between that Summer and Christmas, a few MAJOR things had also happened in my life… Id been admitted to hospital twice with DRINK related collapses at work. 1 of those collapses related to Kelly and I falling out again.. I really snapped this time and hit the bottle HARD… Id tidied the living room up before starting and I was ALONE all day (a SUNDAY)… I woke at 5am MONDAY morning to find 18 Empty pint cans of LAGER and an Empty bottle of VODKA…. I DRANK ALL OF THAT in the previous 10 hours after eating nothing all weekend…. I got up, showered and went to work… made it on time but I was blatantly WASTED drunk at my desk, the more Coffee I drank the more drunk I felt.. I hit the floor by my desk and started twitching shortly after 1pm. It was the beginning of the END of my drinking life as I knew it…. 2 weeks later an almost perfect COPY of that day happened again and my Dr signed me off with Stress. I moved out of my Friends house and went back home, I moved in with my sister for a weeks relax/recovery and then my parents made up a room in their house and I moved once again the short distance back to where I grew up… It was so calm there, I really had time to think and recover. (the Doctor at the hospital after Untrasound of my Liver telling me I would be DEAD in 12 months if I didn’t STOP…. That was my wakeup call)
I quit…. ALL of it, I quit my friends, my lifestyle and my BELOVED booze, ALL of it was gone… I had a plan to get myself fit again… get myself looking more alive again and stop looking toward the future with contempt for everything because I couldn’t have HER.
At the start of December we’d started talking again and Id agreed to be friends again, we ended up in her bed this time and I gave her a long massage that ended in SEX again…. I KNEW I shouldn’t have even before it started because I knew it would ONLY end badly… It always DID…
She had a few orgasms, but I was SOBER and totally in control of myself and the pace… I could have done that for 3 hours straight and never lost it.
She put her hands on my chest and pushed me away, saying that we couldn’t do this, she was single now and didn’t want anything more than friends… if I was just there for her now and didn’t try and force more then Id have a Great chance when she was READY for a new relationship… she promised I could come over again the week after as she would have been alone the day before New Year.
She text me the morning of that night telling me she’d arranged to spend the night with her MUM (I’ve not mentioned her mum at this point in the story, they didn’t get on and Kelly never said a good word about her… EVER) I was understandably upset, but also embarrassingly childish… I told her she was a liar and a bitch… blah blah blah… I was so unhappy again… I ALMOST hit the bottle (having been sober for 7 months exactly I had 1 beer on Christmas DAY and agreed that I would be a drinker again… but It would NEVER get the best of me this time.
We are getting close now… close to the juicy parts… closer to the reason Im writing this today.
She told me just before new year that I was her PERFECT guy, she just didn’t want one right now… it wasn’t the right time (it never was was it??)
2 weeks after new year she went on a training course in Belgium, while there she met an English born German boy called Daniel…. Id watched her so closely and between the 3 of us, Id NEVER even ONCE considered she would ADD a 4th person to the mix.
She was BESOTTED.
She never stopped talking about him, from the day they met to the day they Split 2 months later. The distance was obviously a problem, she went to see him once and he came to England Once… But it was all too much. During this 2 months I tried my hardest not to talk to her because It was SOOOO painful to be TOLD you’re the one, but not NOW…. To then be told she’s with someone else, but I’d decided long ago that I couldn’t live without her so I HAD to do something, she asked me if I would help her move house and I agreed… (SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE THAT) I moved house and we spent the day together, she talked about how PERFECT Daniel was…. I got her a moving in Gift ( A CD her Ex had stolen from her collection when he’d moved out) And a Hat and some SOCKs… Abigail (er friend and who she was moving in with) told her I was still in love wit her and it was Obvious… she dismissed it saying I wasn’t..
We went out after moving house, on the town… me Kelly, Abi and her B/friend Alecs… It was a decent enough night, Kelly was quite drunk and kept holding my hand and looking at me with those Eyes…. Those perfect AMAZing, lovely lovely eyes… like she was so sorry to be a disappointment to me… When the end of the night came she couldn’t WALK, so I carried her from the Club to a Taxi and out again in to her house… made her a cuppa and wrapped her in a blanket… she came round about 2 hours later and called Daniel.
She had mentioned me before to Daniel that I was a friend, but had mentioned me so often and in such a way he asked who and what I meant to her and she told him I was her Homosexual Best friend. I could live with that… if she could. Anyway, that night after our night out she told him that I wasn’t gay at all… and I was in LOVE with her. He took massive offence to her lying and told her he didn’t want to play games.. it was over.
She never got back with him, although they do still talk.
After a few more weeks I asked her again If we could start dating and she said she’d think about it… we fell out again and before I knew it or had time to get back in her good books she was BACK together with HIM!!!! The 3 years of wasted time before meant nothing now… this time it was Different…. This time he WOULD change… he’d be the BEST boyfriend ever!!! It didn’t last long…. But Id decided now that I COULDN’t be Friends anymore and I couldn’t handle any more torture at the had of the one I LOVED so DEARLY!!
I decided to move on, I did more on….
About 2 months ago I got an Email from Kelly asking me some trivial thing about work, and I got a Congrats for passing my Driving TEST…. I thanked her and said I was planning on sorting my life out. We talked but nothing serious, then nothing again for a few weeks… then I get the Text I was waiting for… she WANTED to be with me… she was going on HOLIDAY in a week but when we got back, we would be together she said…
WHY??? WHY OH WHY did I believe her???
I did.
This was a Friday night and I allowed myself again to indulge this Infinite fantasy…. She got me back involved again.
We text all day Saturday and I told her I couldn’t wait to hold her for the first time as a real couple… even after this long we STILL hadn’t been together officially as an ITEM.
Sunday morning my phone rang…. Unknown Number…. I answered.. a voice from the past…. It was HIM!!! He found texts on her phone and was calling ME to ask ME what was going on….. I COULDN’t BELIEVE IT!!! She was SEEING HIM!!!??!?! And making plans with me at the same time!!
I came clean with him over the next 30 minutes and Forwarded all the texts she’d sent me as Proof for him that it was HER chasing ME and not the other way around.
I told him some of our colourful history togther including the Sex… he DIDN’t Like that.
I then missed 50+ calls from her trying to explain. I ignored her but eventually text her telling her she was a liar and cheat and I could never trust her again now. She hadn’t told me because I never would have gone for it, and she hadn’t got around to splitting from him yet…..
This was 2 months ago as I said…. Since then, she Hadn’t said a word to me till 18 days ago. I got a Jabber from Jo her friend saying “how you holding up these days”….. Eventually she got me talking about Kelly and I can’t stay Mad, it’s not in me…. I told her she was still the face I saw when I closed my eyes every night before I go to sleep”
She jabbered me again the next day telling me she’d spoke to Kelly and she still felt the same way about me…. I told her it had been too long in the making and I didn’t trust her anymore, she said she understood that…. I left it there… then Another friend of mine mentioned her name asking me what was going on between us… It was strange that 2 people in 1 day had asked me. I went home that day with just 1 thing on my mind and that was Her…. I called Adrian our mutual friend and got her number and text her… I asked her if she realy wanted me?? Was she sure?? Was this just another chapter in our routine.
She told me she was seeing Ben… STILL…. Even after he knew she’d cheated, after he KNEW she’d been chasing me… I even told him about another affair he didn’t know about… he still went back. What a Mug right??? (What makes me any different?)
She told me she WOULD split and SOON if I was waiting for her.
On Wednesday 12 Days AGO she text me 3 works that made me HAPPY as a pig in SH*T
“I’ve done it”
I text back, “A little birdy tells me your single, you want to go out tonight?”
She said “Yeah Cool, where?”
I took her to a restaurant Id being frequenting with my family for years…. It’s lovely there, we had laughs and it was excellent, Hugs only … nothing more.
Thursday I took her to Burgerking…. Some more hugs, nothing more….
Friday I stayed over and we had SEX….. She’d TOLD me that there was NO chance of Sex that night so I hadn’t prepared myself or expected anything to happen. AS a result I was so surprised I DIDN’T even become aroused when she went down on me… she thought there was something wrong with her, I tried as every guy does in those circumstances saying that it happens sometimes and there’s nothing anyone can do to predict or prevent it. She said it was probably for the best anyway.
After Try number 2 I was Resigned to giving up… but then lucky number 3 we Did have Sex… all be it 45 seconds at the most!!! She laughed at me saying it was likely to happen since I hadn’t had sex in so long and it was with HER of all people.
We stayed together the next 2 nights but did nothing…. We went out AGAIN on Monday to another place… a nice Pub, we ate and she declared us officially together…. (Our first time ever)…. We went back to hers and I stayed again and this time we had Sex…. IT WAS AMAZING…. She only allowed me 1 orgasm of my own but had several of hers. It was perfect… as perfect as a day could be.
We have been together every day since, apart from 2 of the days where she was busy or I was Busy and I’m thinking that as a new relationship that’s to be expected and Normal to want to be together as much as POSSIBLE.
She had been so Affectionate I was just loving it, but Saturday I got there after a day out with my Brother and she was ready to go out again, another meal.. this time Indian… she had her best look out… I think she looks great anyway but this night she looked AMAZING, even more than normal.. .there was just this atmosphere… different feeling to last night and all the one’s before that… something missing perhaps?? Or something that I couldn’t see anyway… she quizzed me at dinner about what happens if WE don’t work out… I answered as best as I could… we went from Dinner to a party with her Friends… Met some of them she had a few drinks I was Driving… she told me on the way home that I wasn’t getting lucky that night, I told her Id never take advantage anyway. We planned for our next Sex session to be Monday night, after her Dr’s appointment to get Birth Control on Monday. (this is Today were talking about)
She woke on Sunday morning and she was Quiet, nothing more than that… just Quiet… I asked her what she wanted to do today, she said food shopping, supermarket… possibly pets corner… So we went, she was Miserable…. I mean TOTALLY Miserable…. I didn’t do anything wrong or say anything wrong, we did her house work and I booked us a table at a fancy restaurant for dinner which we then cancelled as she didn’t feel like it… she said she was tired but having both had 10 hours undisturbed sleep I didn’t buy it.
She dropped a few hints but I didn’t pick up the facy that she wanted me to GO… I had no idea. She said she’d cook and we ate, 1 glass of wine with dinner… I grabbed a beer after and put on a film… we were sitting watching the film and I finished the beer and opened another…. She turned to me and said “I suppose you think your staying now you’ve drank too much to drive home” I replied with utter shock, I had NO idea I was supposed to be driving home and I assured her if she’d said it I wouldn’t have questioned her or anything else, Id just have Gone…. She said that I was spending too much time with her and I was making her feel claustrophobic… I said I would go then, WALK home… she said I was trying to make her feel guilty… I told her then I was going home no matter what so she could clear her head… we had then several TEXT messages on the way home (10 minute walk at the most from hers to mine)…. I left my car there.
I Woke this morning with a text at 7am “Are you awake”
“yes my dear I am, I was planning on coming to get my car at 8am…. Would you like a lift to work”
“Im not bothered, if you want to… I just wanted to say sorry for last night”
“I’ll pick you up at 8”
I did pick her up and the atmos in the car on her ride to work wasn’t the best.
She asked me what I was planning to do today and I told her I was planning on taking her keys from her and doing several DIY jobs around the house (fixing doors, hanging pictures and mirrors and cabinets)… she gave me the keys and went, no kiss… .no hug, nothing.
Today I have done all of those jobs and text her telling her so…. I also told her since she’d mentioned too much contact the night before I was going to leave her alone for the rest of the week and spend some time apart (She needs…. I don’t want) She told me I was being Silly and If I was going to play games we can just leave it right now…. I told her I was only trying to do what she wanted… She told me she wanted to cook for me and for us to talk about what/how to get the best from this relationship.
I went, we ate… we sat in silence… watched a little TV, she thanked me for the Jobs… Then began the FIGHT…. I pointed out that it was HER who got us here and it was Now her who says it’s too much too soon, I told her I was going to leave and I should never have come… she told me It was never going to work.
Text from me to her “ Maybe you were right, maybe it’s not going to work, After what I just saw I can’t imagine how it will feel anything but weird now. You make me feel like nothing I do is enough 1 minute to Everything I do is too much the next… If I can’t make you happy then I’ll just have to accept that”
Her reply “ I think your right its too soon for what you want, and I don’t honestly think I could make you happy, I don’t know what I want out of a relationship and until I do I will stay single. I still hope we can be friends. Im sorry If I’ve been a disappointment to you after all this time”
My reply “ You never could be, and never will be. Im crazy about you and that will never change, I think we’ve reached a point when we can’t ignore our differences now, Friends I can’t do Im afraid, Watching you meet a guy and then hear you talk about how they succeed where I have failed will be torture for me… Take care”
2 hours later
HER “ feel really sad that it hasn’t worked out, I had such high hopes… It’s all my fault”
ME “ Hope is all we ever had together, fleeting moments of confusing Love/Sex and promises but even after all the billions of gallons of water under the bridge you are still not ready for a commitment to me… and you can’t pretend to me when you know I adore you”
HER “ So do you want to give it time and see what happens? Im not going to be false with you but Rome wasn’t built in a day. You said you’d wait as long as it took but it sounds like you’ve already given up”
ME “ Im crazy to even be talking to you after everything we’ve been through, But I will always want us to be together, It’s up to you if that’s a possibility in our future, I’ll still want you as much tomorrow as 12 days ago when you text me “I’ve done it”
Her “ So lets just see what happens and take baby steps then ok ?”
Me “ Can you tell me honestly how we went from great Sex to acting like a 20 year married couple overnight?, I felt like any physical contact was Wrong since Friday… I want to be together, but I don’t know how to make you happy… you can’t say I haven’t been trying babe.”
I know she’s asleep now.
If you want an update on my love life…. Then let me know by PM
The make up text conversation happened during my writing of this story… much happier ending than I expected.
Who thinks it will last??? Any comments?? Anyone??
Well, That took alot of time to read. From the start of your story, i knew this girl was going to be playing you as a puppet. As far as it lasting, from the story, I don't think she actually KNOWS what she wants, does she want him, you, daniel whoever, I just don't know how you delt with all that bull she was pulling. It seems to me she felt like she could pull you with her lil strings because she KNEW she knew you loved her and had the power to just say "hey" or a slight glace would set you off to fireworks. When you love someone, I know you cannot control it, and often when you love someone it NEVER goes away. I just honestly think that shes playin with you- When you love someone you become blind by everyone else. and only focus on that one person. I know i'm just mumbling jumbling around I just really don't know what to respond w/ my just thoughts on the situation or what. Thanks for sharing your story though-
I wish you luck with her really. just be careful you know, seems she could do anything in the matter of mins.
p.s
you attention to detail is amazing, you know. just by reading that I see that you are one of a kind. Its very hard to find true men. true men that are open about their feelings and i love and applaud you for that. take care
-Elizabeth
Kev i would love to state my opinion, but that is the longest post I have ever seen 
when my head hurts less I will read it over an give my opinion on it.
I think you should move on and forget about her...she's just gonna keep doing this to you! You sound like an amazing guy! Go out and find someone that treats you right!
Dear lord that was a pain to read. You are lucky I'm so bored.
In your mind, you are a virgin. You just think you're not.
Dude, this should be made into a movie and have Bad Finger on the soundtrack.
You remind me of Forest Gump and Jenny except Forest had a valid excuse. He was actually retarded.
You however, seem to be a normally functioning human being except for this one malady.
Unless you actually want this type of life, move the f*ck on. I know how beautiful it is to fall in love so deeply and and that sh*t and giggles. It's wonderful actually. If you're a believer, everything in life can be used as a metaphor for how much God loves us. How no matter how much and often we reject him, he still presents himself with open arms willing to take us back. However, dude, you're only human. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You'll be dead before you turn 35.
Basic game theory man. The great stag hunt. This girl isn't a team player. She's helping you on the stag hunt for now but if she sees a rabbit first, she'll shoot that to feed herself and leave you to hunt the stag on your own or to starve to death. She will f*ck you over for her own happiness. Figuratively, not literally.
There's 6.7 billion people in this world, you're kidding yourself if you honestly believe there isn't another person that could make you feel the way she does (without the complications of course). NOBODY is that special. You just pick one you like and work on it. Don't worry about destiny or "the one" or pink frilly ribbons like that. If it is meant to be, it will take care of itself.
Take some time to yourself. Go on a long vacation. Travel the world. Discover yourself all over again. Join a monastery (jokes).
Start over when you get back. New job. New city. New everything.
Heck... I think your chances are better with Gemma Ward.
Kev, hun... as hard as it may be, you've simply got to let that woman go.
You're clearly just the rebound guy. You deserve someone who will be just as crazy for you as you are for them.
Really, it is for the best. Let her go. Cut of all contact with her even. I think that's best.
You can PM if you ever need to talk about it. 
I can't believe what she's doing to you, as if it's a game to be played. <_<
I kind of expected BZ girls to be all lovely and supportive and the guys to go with the tough love approach and call me a pussy.
I guess I am a complete pussy when it comes to her. She text me at 7:50am this morning telling me she was running late and couldn’t find any change for the bus... I picked her up and took her to work, she text me thank you and said she didn't want to loose me, were going to work on it.
Most people meet someone new, they go through the great Honeymoon period of hot sex and nights out and time together when nobody else matters... just 2 of you, that's probably what I want right now with her... I’m sure I will calm down on the love talk if she just commits and says finally that she's ready.... but when you do meet someone new (not on a Saturday night in a pub that you sleep with and never call back... I for 1 have NEVER done this).. I mean someone great that you want to think about the future with... you Are AIMING at first for her to like you, and then it's for her to think you might be good to her long term and after the honeymoon your Aiming to fall in Love with each other.
The problem with Kelly and me is that I'm already there... I Already feel that way, I can see her face when I blink.... every time. I’m not some psycho that dotes on her every move and wants to drink her bath water.... I just want her to be happy and I’m willing to do ANYTHING to make that happen.
If only she knew herself what she wants, then maybe it wouldn't be proving so difficult.
I kind of expected BZ girls to be all lovely and supportive and the guys to go with the tough love approach and call me a pussy.I guess I am a complete pussy when it comes to her. She text me at 7:50am this morning telling me she was running late and couldn’t find any change for the bus... I picked her up and took her to work, she text me thank you and said she didn't want to loose me, were going to work on it.
Most people meet someone new, they go through the great Honeymoon period of hot sex and nights out and time together when nobody else matters... just 2 of you, that's probably what I want right now with her... I’m sure I will calm down on the love talk if she just commits and says finally that she's ready.... but when you do meet someone new (not on a Saturday night in a pub that you sleep with and never call back... I for 1 have NEVER done this).. I mean someone great that you want to think about the future with... you Are AIMING at first for her to like you, and then it's for her to think you might be good to her long term and after the honeymoon your Aiming to fall in Love with each other.
The problem with Kelly and me is that I'm already there... I Already feel that way, I can see her face when I blink.... every time. I’m not some psycho that dotes on her every move and wants to drink her bath water.... I just want her to be happy and I’m willing to do ANYTHING to make that happen.
If only she knew herself what she wants, then maybe it wouldn't be proving so difficult.
I wouldn't call yourself names, your no pussy at all, from what you say you are completely and utterly infatuated with her. You love her and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. I just don't know how you let her walk all over you- like not talk to you for awhile go away w/ the guy and so on. Its just not right, its like you can't have your cake and eat it too ya know.
She's got quite a high profile Job at my office and is soon going to be applying for an even more advanced position (possibly over 100k a year) she needs her reputation to be squeeky clean, so she can't have me in the office and piss me off... she expects that I'll spill her dirty little secrets to everyone she knows... which of course I never would... but she doesn't know that.
Her first love was like me, he was infatuated and crazy in love with her... she treated him like shit but he never stopped loving her... they got ingaged and she was a kept woman (him being very sucessful)... then he dumped her and ran off with her best friend. After 2 years of being doted on, that really hurt her and I think she keeps her guys at arms length now to prevent this happening again. She must have mentioned this line a thousand times in the last 2 weeks after some Random act of kindness from me "Im gonna get used to you doing everything for me and then in 6 months you'll realise Im a bitch and dump me and I'll be devastated".
She's not letting herself go, because if she does... SHE might be the one who gets hurt. But I can't seem to win with her, one minute all the burners are on full and the next she's just COLD... emotionless. I hate seeing people unhappy and Im well known within my family for having powers for cheering up even the most impossible people. Kelly will no doubt be my biggest challenge.
I agree. Challenge it is. If its meant to be, everything will fold out into play.
A guy I THOUGHT i loved seemed to love it- he liked being chased. soon i learned that was his thrill to be chased after. Took me awhile, but I realized that love shouldn't be chased, but running and meeting together, having that complete bond from the start.
Sorry for my cheesy-ness. haha
She was Sick 2 weeks ago, with Flu like symtoms and her Kettle broke so she couldn't even have a hot drink so I finished work, went shopping and got her a new Kettle, got her some Lemsips a Hot water bottle, some warm socks... went over made her the hot water bottle and a lemsip, wrapped her in a blanket and rubbed her head for her.
Don't you ever worry about cheesyness... some Cliche's are true you know!!
Dude. Just like Kelly, you're a lost cause. Just because you don't drink her bath water or keep her laundry lint in you pocket, doesn't mean you're not crazy. You are nuts and you're the only one who doesn't see that. You already know better, but still you cling to this false hope that maybe some day she'll come to her senses. Let it go. This kind of hope is the first step in the path of dispair.
You've got one life to live, don't spend the best years of it wasted on a girl who will NEVER be ready for you. Personally, when I tell my kids the story about how I met their mother, I wouldn't want to be telling them anything like this.
This song is about you.
With an Ending as predictable as a CSI episode.... It's Over again... at least this round is.
She was Horrible to me, then apologised but said I deserved better, it wasn't me it was her.... every Cliche in the book. Broke up by text.
We will see where it go's from here, Im sure one day I will get bored of writing chapters in this never ending story of Me and Kelly, but for now... thanks all for your comments.
Kev
Dude, the book you're writing is boring, long, and painful to read.
You gotta learn to cut your losses before you loose it all and your life becomes a waste.
NO KEVIN Kelly needs to die... she's manipulative monster.. i've told you like a billion times.
this is worse than my Ely, who i am still obsessed with and who stilll uses me ... but at least i don't LOVE him.
Just because you don't drink her bath water or keep her laundry lint in you pocket, doesn't mean you're not crazy.
Kev i would love to state my opinion, but that is the longest post I have ever seen
Plus he'd get to feel all powerful watching the bump his junk makes under your belly button.
lmaooooooo... wowwwww i love u