TV Quotes

Willy: [thinking] No, no, go easy on the wee one. His father's going to go crazy and chop 'em all into haggis.

Bart: What's haggis?

Willy: Boy, you read my thoughts! You've got the shinning!

Bart: You mean shining.

Willy: Shh! You want to get sued?

[Homer, feeling behind the couch for a peanut he dropped, finds a twenty dollar bill instead]

Homer: Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut.

Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.

Homer: Explain how.

Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Homer: Woo-hoo!

Homer: [after Homer confesses his sins] Woohoo! I'm clean! In your face, lord!

Father Sean: Not quite, Mr. Simpson. I can only absolve you if you're a Catholic.

Homer: Riiiiight. And how do I join? Do I whale on some Unitarians?

Marge: [to Bart] Now we have to find another school for you.

Homer: And if you get kicked out of that one, you're going straight in the army, where you'll be sent straight to America's latest military quagmire. Where will it be? North Korea? Iran? Anything's possible with Commander Cuckoo-Bananas in charge.

hahaha just heard that one this past sunday

[Homer, feeling behind the couch for a peanut he dropped, finds a twenty dollar bill instead]

Homer: Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut.

Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.

Homer: Explain how.

Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Homer: Woo-hoo!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That's a classic episode! I love it! and the "Be My Vest" episode...

FAMILY GUY

Season 2 Episode 19

"The Story On Page 1"

*Outside the gates of Brown University*

Brian: I tell you there's something magical about Brown

Chris: brown's the colour of poo ahahahahaha:rofl:

Brian: Yes, yes it is.

Lois: Oh, I haven't been in a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.

Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankle behind your ears, that would ring a few bells.

South Park Episode 505-Cartmanland

Stan: Dude, can you loan me twenty bucks for a new jacket?

Cartman: HA! If you need money, you can get a job, Stan! No freeloaders are gonna take my hard-earned cash!

Kyle: Your grandma left it to you! You didn't earn it!

Cartman: Didn't earn it?! What about all the years I spent making Grandma like me?! All the wet spit-filled kisses I put up with?! The constant smell of aspirin and pee?! Don't tell me I didn't earn it, you son of a bitch!

Family Guy (Is it Season 5 or season 4 still?)

Adam West: So it's a shouting match you want eh? Well, game on Quahog! ARRRRGH ARRRGHH ARGGGHH ARRGHHH I'M BEATING YOU!!!

Cartman: Doodoo doot doo, dadadadada daa, ya da dadaa

Doodoo doot doo, dadada daa, heydy heydy heydy, how's it goin', guys?

Kyle: What the hell are you so happy about, fatass?! [Cartman gets off his bike]

Cartman: [coolly] Oh, nothing. No big deal, really.

Stan: What's no big deal?

Cartman: Well, guys, it seems that I am the first one of us to reach manhood after all.

Kyle: ...What the hell are you talking about?!

Cartman: Well, because, unlike you guys, I just got my first pubes! Ayada da daa, yadadadadee! [dances]

Kenny: (You got pubes??)

Kyle: What's "pubes"?

Stan: Pubic hair. He's saying he got his first pubic hair.

Kyle: Oh. [to Cartman] No you didn't!

Cartman: Oh yes I did! I'm becoming a man!

Stan: He's lying. [turns and walks away. Kenny follows, then Kyle]

Cartman: You wanna see 'em?

Kyle: [turns to look at them] Hell no! [stan and Kenny turn to look]

Cartman: [reaches into his pants] Here, check 'em out.

Stan: [looks away and hides his eyes] We don't wanna see them, Cartman! [Kyle turns around, Kenny shuts his hood tight]

Cartman: There, see?! How do you like [them] apples! [is his right hand is a clump of pubic hair. The other boys look, with Kyle ready to cover his eyes again] HA!

Kyle: [approaches] Uh what are those? [stan and Kenny follow]

Cartman: My pubes

Stan: What??

Cartman: I got 'em from Scott Tenorman.

Kyle: Scott Tenorman? The ninth grader?

Cartman: Yup. He let me have 'em for just ten bucks. Ha ha ha! I got pubes 'fore you guys did! I got pubes 'fore youuu guys! Ahahahahahahaa ha! [dances a little more]

Stan: Cartman, you are so Goddamned stupid it's unbelievable.

Cartman: [moves in between Stan and Kyle and embraces them, one under each arm, and gloats. Kyle looks at Cartman's right hand] Don't be jealous, guys. [Kyle looks at Cartman] This doesn't mean we can't still hang out. [Kyle looks back at Cartman's hand] It just means that I matured faster than you. [Kyle fears for that hair touching him] You'll get your pubes guys, someday.

Kyle: Cartman, you don't buy pubes, you grow them yourself!

Cartman: Uh oo what?

Stan: When you get old enough, you grow your own pubic hair that's attached to you, you fuckin' dumbass!

Cartman: Nuh uh!

Kyle: Yuh huh!

Cartman: [looks at his purchase] But then why would Scott Tenorman sell me his pubes for ten dollars?

Kyle: Because, retard, you're dumb enough to buy Scott Tenorman's pubes for ten dollars!

Cartman: You're telling me these pubes are worth nothing.

Kyle: Yeah.

Cartman: [walks off in a huff] Huh I'm gonna get that sonofabitch.

Cartman: "One, please ... Six dollars? OK, and how much is that in pubes?"

Clerk: We don't take pubes!

Cartman: Listen, my money is as good as anybody's! Don't you, uh, discriminate against my people by not accepting these pubes

Clerk: We don't take pubes!! End of story!!

Cartman: Racist! [takes the pubes and runs off]

Cartman: [in costume, with briefcase] Hello, sir, my name is Kris Kristoferssen. I'm with the IRS. I'm here to collect ten dollars that you own in back taxes

Scott: You're not from the IRS! You glued my pubes onto your face!