Attraction and physical appeal in a relationship

Is it really true that someone has to look a certain way or have a certain physical appeal or attraction about them to be possible to pursue a relationship with? If they do not meet this physical attraction, is it a good enough reason to let them go even if there is a connection that is not physical?

I am not a person known to choose someone for any relationship by physical looks or appeal; whether as a friend or someone more intimate. I see that most people can not help imperfections even if they are what many see as perfection in beauty. I simply look at the heart of someone and if they are real, honest and have a want to be "good"; I find this most attractive and most important for any relationship. I feel a friend should be the best they can be and a spouse, partner or someone you are intimate with should be your best friend, neither need to be perfect, good looking or most successful.

I tend to be a little strong with my thinking but I am curious, is physical appeal so important in relationships?

I think it tends to depend on the gender of the person. Obviously when it comes to a man, it's the physical attraction that first gets our attention. For it to go to another level such as a friendship or a intimate relationship, there has to be more there.

Women are much more complex. I think they know who can be a friend or a person they could be intimate with when it comes to men within the 1st time that they meet them. They tend to see how things play out, and take time to weigh their options. Their are pros and cons to every relationship when it comes to the opposite sex, friend or otherwise, and women constantly think about those things before they let it get any further.

I think there has to be some sort of physical attraction for a relationship to work out. I am not saying that people have those certain standards for how another person should look, 5'8", DD, 120lbs, and if the person doesn't meet those standards - game over. No. I certainly don't have those standards, and I do believe that personality is most important. But I have to say that physical attraction is also important.

I think that people misinterpret the term "physical attraction", just like you are doing it right now, azgirl. Just like I said before, it's not a set of standards on how a person should look. It's simply an attraction you have. Take the "love at first sight" thread for example. If you go there and read all those posts about how "I looked in her eyes and i knew she was the one and we have been happily married for *insert a digit here* years" you will see that what initially drove those people together is just strong physical attraction, because there is no way it could have been personality, they haven't even talked yet.

With that said, I don't think that saying that physical attraction is important would classify someone as shallow. I mean, you can be with someone who would not be considered "good looking" by societal standards, but you can still say you are physically attracted to this person, so does that mean that looks is what did it for you?

I think it tends to depend on the gender of the person. Obviously when it comes to a man, it's the physical attraction that first gets our attention. For it to go to another level such as a friendship or a intimate relationship, there has to be more there.

Women are much more complex. I think they know who can be a friend or a person they could be intimate with when it comes to men within the 1st time that they meet them. They tend to see how things play out, and take time to weigh their options. Their are pros and cons to every relationship when it comes to the opposite sex, friend or otherwise, and women constantly think about those things before they let it get any further.

I think you have a point about a lot of people I have even met. I am also refering to men and men/women and women relationships whether its friendship or more.

Being a woman, I can see what you mean about weighing out men, but I am also open enough to get to know them even if the 1st impression is not the best. I understand bad days.

But why do you think men are more about looks or physical? I have had friends that are men as well as women who had told me that its not about finding someone that looks a certain way but then chooses someone for how they look and wonder why they have little in common, but they still try to make a relationship out it. I dont get it.

I think there has to be some sort of physical attraction for a relationship to work out. I am not saying that people have those certain standards for how another person should look, 5'8", DD, 120lbs, and if the person doesn't meet those standards - game over. No. I certainly don't have those standards, and I do believe that personality is most important. But I have to say that physical attraction is also important.

I think that people misinterpret the term "physical attraction", just like you are doing it right now, azgirl. Just like I said before, it's not a set of standards on how a person should look. It's simply an attraction you have. Take the "love at first sight" thread for example. If you go there and read all those posts about how "I looked in her eyes and i knew she was the one and we have been happily married for *insert a digit here* years" you will see that what initially drove those people together is just strong physical attraction, because there is no way it could have been personality, they haven't even talked yet.

With that said, I don't think that saying that physical attraction is important would classify someone as shallow. I mean, you can be with someone who would not be considered "good looking" by societal standards, but you can still say you are physically attracted to this person, so does that mean that looks is what did it for you?

I understand what you say about looking into someone eyes and ... BAM.. its not as much like love at first sight as its like you know this person. It is someone you are drawn to; someone you just seem to know. I do not think that is physical in any way' I think it is more spiritual or emotional. The physical attraction in this case seems to be caused by what it felt in the bonding moment and only increases when you get to know this person and everything you felt was made true.

I know attraction and appeal is a matter of interpretation. For me ,it is not about looks in any way but more spiritual or emotional, which can tell you what happens when someone is all about physical and beauty. I am not saying it is shallow maybe a bit superfiscal but I see everyone has the right to choose their own happiness; I just do not understand why it has to be so important. I have known people to even push friends away because they do not look like someone they would want to be seen with despite the connection as friends they may have with them. I am not sure if its shallow or superfiscal but I know it doesnt make sense to me. And as for good looking .. what if someone is not up to societal standards?

Ok, so why do you have a pretty boy Jensen Ackles in your set, and not a plain looking person that you know.

Ok, so why do you have a pretty boy Jensen Ackles in your set, and not a plain looking person that you know.

Because i am on a fashion forum and my daughter made the set for me.

BTW I do like Jensen Ackles but its mostly because of his quirky fun personality i have seen off set on the commentaries and the out takes they show on some of the shows; that makes me attracted to his looks and he just seems that he would be fun to hang with as a friend..

Honestly, for physical looks I am more attracted to blue eyes if I were to chose, but I have only been with one person intimately that had blue eyes but we actually got together because we were friends since Kindergarden. Do not get me wrong about appreciating beauty, I get looking at models and celebrities with the thoughts that they are beautiful, attractive and gorgeous and like most a fantasy or two doesn't hurt. It is what sells their popularity and without that these people would not have jobs, but I do not understand why relationships which should be exposing your most vulnerable parts of who you are should be based on the same as what most chose for a fantasy.

but I do not understand why relationships which should be exposing your most vulnerable parts of who you are should be based on the same as what most chose for a fantasy.

That you would have to ask someone more shallow than me. LOL

but we actually got together because we were friends since Kindergarden.

hehe, that's funny.

but we actually got together because we were friends since Kindergarden.

hehe, that's funny.

We weren't in Kindergarten.. hehehe

I think it tends to depend on the gender of the person. Obviously when it comes to a man, it's the physical attraction that first gets our attention. For it to go to another level such as a friendship or a intimate relationship, there has to be more there.

Women are much more complex. I think they know who can be a friend or a person they could be intimate with when it comes to men within the 1st time that they meet them. They tend to see how things play out, and take time to weigh their options. Their are pros and cons to every relationship when it comes to the opposite sex, friend or otherwise, and women constantly think about those things before they let it get any further.

I think you have a point about a lot of people I have even met. I am also refering to men and men/women and women relationships whether its friendship or more.

Being a woman, I can see what you mean about weighing out men, but I am also open enough to get to know them even if the 1st impression is not the best. I understand bad days.

But why do you think men are more about looks or physical? I have had friends that are men as well as women who had told me that its not about finding someone that looks a certain way but then chooses someone for how they look and wonder why they have little in common, but they still try to make a relationship out it. I dont get it.

Azgirl, you just answered your own question, in a way. You agreed with me about women weighing out men. Females will even give men they don't think is attractive a shot. There are exceptions to every rule, but women tend to look for something deeper when they intend to get in any kind of relationship. Another thing that a lot of women do, which I don't get and never will, in they often connect sex with love.

Men, on the other hand, are much more shallow. Regardless of what we find attractive, we only approach those type of women. If we don't find a woman attractive, we will not approach her. And many men keep sex and love separate at all times. If Susie Q was there and willing to give it up, we'll take it and that will be that. We are ready to move on to the next woman.

Azgirl, you just answered your own question, in a way. You agreed with me about women weighing out men. Females will even give men they don't think is attractive a shot. There are exceptions to every rule, but women tend to look for something deeper when they intend to get in any kind of relationship. Another thing that a lot of women do, which I don't get and never will, in they often connect sex with love.

Men, on the other hand, are much more shallow. Regardless of what we find attractive, we only approach those type of women. If we don't find a woman attractive, we will not approach her. And many men keep sex and love separate at all times. If Susie Q was there and willing to give it up, we'll take it and that will be that. We are ready to move on to the next woman.

I hope you do understand that while your post is somewhat true, it still is one huge generalization.

Females will even give men they don't think is attractive a shot.

Men, on the other hand, are much more shallow. Regardless of what we find attractive, we only approach those type of women. If we don't find a woman attractive, we will not approach her.

I think this might explain things a little bit. I think that happens because in the majority of cases, men approach women. Now think about it. You have to decide who to approach, but you don't know her at all. If you are at a bar or whatever, and you are looking for a woman to approach, but you know nothing about her, wouldn't you naturally want to approach the most attractive one? Since you have no clue about her personality and etc, but at least you can tell she is good looking. This way there is at least one reason why she stands out of the crowd.

Women, on the other hand, are being approached by men. So they have no choice in who approaches them or what they look like, and they get to have a conversation with the guy and get to know his personality a bit before they choose to dismiss him, and if the guy happens to have a personality that they like, they will go for him.

Females will even give men they don't think is attractive a shot.

Men, on the other hand, are much more shallow. Regardless of what we find attractive, we only approach those type of women. If we don't find a woman attractive, we will not approach her.

I think this might explain things a little bit. I think that happens because in the majority of cases, men approach women. Now think about it. You have to decide who to approach, but you don't know her at all. If you are at a bar or whatever, and you are looking for a woman to approach, but you know nothing about her, wouldn't you naturally want to approach the most attractive one? Since you have no clue about her personality and etc, but at least you can tell she is good looking. This way there is at least one reason why she stands out of the crowd.

Women, on the other hand, are being approached by men. So they have no choice in who approaches them or what they look like, and they get to have a conversation with the guy and get to know his personality a bit before they choose to dismiss him, and if the guy happens to have a personality that they like, they will go for him.

Not all women get approached, that is the part that sucks. And I guess i dont get that a guy who can like a woman's personality but if they are not attracted to them physically, the odds of choosing not to be more than friends seems to happen a lot. Or if they are not attractive they are never looked at. I have too many lonely friends and even being lonely they would not date each other because of looks. I just dont get it.

You do have a point about women thinking of sex as more than physical. NOt that there is not exceptions to the rule or cultures that teach the seperation of the love and sex. And I do understand with all of the lust in most men, the whole act just being physical does make sense. Its just sad when someone can not or do not want to try to understand this about women and take it into consideration before they chose to act. Again, I know there are always exceptions.

i hate my computer!!! my first answer has been deleted :yuckky:

as i said, LOOK is very important because it shows our own personnality, our own tastes.

for example if i meet a cute guy with a versace t-shirt (with a big VERSACE), a fake D&G bely and black sunglasses i will think "oh my god, he is such a pathetic clown, vade retro satanas!" but if i meet the same guy with a jeans, a normal jackets, a guitar between the hand and the cigarettes between the lips, i will think "oh lord, i want him".

the look reflect the lifestyle so this is not so "innocent" and "superficial". of course, it shouldn't be the reflect of soul, but this is a reality, the "superficiality" can show what we are.

i think people focus on their look because they try to be the perfect partner for their perfect lover and give some information about them.

feminine, masculine, BCBG or very relax etc.

everywhere the look is very important, as i said in the ED thread for example the padongs women wear their big nekclase to be more attractive and show they were "rich".

MS13 gang's members don't look like Marilyn Manson fans...

in my opinion, there is a real superficiality (on the look) when you don't undertstand the things that you're watching.

about the beauty, as i already said too, before i loved very cute guys. now, i don't take care of the beauty, weight, or even age (or less and less). i think talent, intelligence, humor, punctuality and generosity are really more important than beauty. i think it's because at first i really know what i want and my personality, tastes are really more developped.

people can focus on the beauty when they don't know what they want. girls are really more manipulator than guys that's why girls the look is so important.

for example if i meet a cute guy with a versace t-shirt (with a big VERSACE), a fake D&G bely and black sunglasses i will think "oh my god, he is such a pathetic clown, vade retro satanas!" but if i meet the same guy with a jeans, a normal jackets, a guitar between the hand and the cigarettes between the lips, i will think "oh lord, i want him".

the look reflect the lifestyle so this is not so "innocent" and "superficial". of course, it shouldn't be the reflect of soul, but this is a reality, the "superficiality" can show what we are.

Baby, well over half those guys with the guitars are going to be the biggest superficial posers of all.

i love musicians and it mean the boy can play music... so it's the good way!

i don't look for artists in the supermarket or in the subway... and ask to all the guys i will meet "hey, do you play music ? "

that's stupid.

by the way, you're wrong. only bad musicians are posers! the good are just realistic. and as i already told you, this is funny how the look/style can be "linked" to the music. people with an hiphop street style often love hip hop music, the one with an "emo" style, love emo music etc etc etc...

so trust me, i try to avoid all the alternatif, emo, indie, (no independant bands of course XD) metal that i find ridiculous.

but boys like Jay Winebrenner!!! oh lord, he drives me crazy and he is such a good musician! i really love him!

i love musicians and it mean the boy can play music... so it's the good way!

i don't look for artists in the supermarket or in the subway... and ask to all the guys i will meet "hey, do you play music ? "

that's stupid.

by the way, you're wrong. only bad musicians are posers! the good are just realistic. and as i already told you, this is funny how the look/style can be "linked" to the music. people with an hiphop street style often love hip hop music, the one with an "emo" style, love emo music etc etc etc...

so trust me, i try to avoid all the alternatif, emo, indie, (no independant bands of course XD) metal that i find ridiculous.

but boys like Jay Winebrenner!!! oh lord, he drives me crazy and he is such a good musician! i really love him!

would you actually settle for a musician? I mean is someone in music someone that attracts you or is it someone you would want to spend a more perminant relationship with? I have not quite understood how people can go for both types of people and have close realtions with... one to be with as a possible perminant and one as just someone they are attracted to and want to have experience with .. but I guess its more common than I thought. at least that is what I have been told. I guess I am old fashioned.

i think i love musicians because of their lifestyle and they are often different of other boys.

there is not a classic "routine" and this is what i like.

i love creative people, i really respect it and i think talent can be very attractive! creativity attract me.

i love musicians but i can be attracted by writers, photographers etc but off course, i want more. i make some "selections". i won't date with a guy just because he is musician... but music is so important for me that usually "normal" people don't understand it... i love marginal people but it's just a piece of what i love and in the past, i date with normal guys but it was always very violent. i don't like the "normality", it's drive me angry.

it's like a very spotive girl. she loves sport so she will be attracted by spotive people and when between the muscled guy with sport clothes and the fat guy with a jeans and t-shirt she will choice the muscled guy... because of his body, she already understands that he love sport and maybe they could have the same clothes style... so it can be attractive and they aren't "supperficial" informations.

your behavior, the clothes style, hair style, your body (muscles, hygiene, body art etc) are always important.

I've tried wearing "Hip" clothes and I think I look ridiculous in them. My wardrobe is entirely Grey, Brown, Black, Green, and Blue. Everything- ties, suits, shirts, pants, coats..

What is "sexy creative" to you ladies? I've heard this quite often, and many say (artist, writer, musician..). It kind of brings up awkward thoughts and awkward experiences on my side. I'm analytical type and just not that type of person. I'm interested in real world knowledge, not pop culture. All the people I'm associated with are like that. I just have limited interests in that department.