Football

Cracking Europa final tonight, at least until extra time kicked in. Beto was so far off his line for the two (admittedly woeful) penalties he saved that I thought he was going to jump into my living room. How such things aren't spotted by officials when they're so glaringly obvious is beyond me.

You have to hand it to Sevilla though, their run from the qualifying rounds to the final is one of the stories of the season, and they did it all with a midfield pairing on loan from QPR and Reading.

Great game to finish the Spanish season and an outstanding achievement by Atletico to take the title away from two of the highest-spending teams anywhere. Martino's strategy of blasting crosses in the general direction of one of the world's smallest forward lines rendered Barca unrecognisable on the day, although I suppose it was a bit of an injustice for them to be in with a shout at all.

It's no surprise Hull didn't win the cup final, Brucey is a geordie and they're no longer interested in trophies. Arsenal have undoubtedly progressed this year, proving their resilience on many occasions throughout the season and that the anti-Wenger brigade don’t know they're born. Seventeen years in the job, not a single finish outside the top four.

"We've come to know it as the Magic Bullet Header Theory. This single-bullet header explanation is the foundation of the Bayern Commission's claim of a lone linesman. Once you conclude the magic header could not cross the line, you'd have to conclude that there was another flag and a second linesman. And if there was a second linesman, then by definition, there had to be a conspiracy." - Jim Garrison

Everyone should start bracing themselves for an overload of smugness from the media rogues gallery, it's a rare occasion when they can say "that kind of thing wouldn't happen in the Premier League" without it being a load of pretentious rot.

This is going to be fun.
 

British journalists: follow these ten rules when interviewing Louis van Gaal

Dear British football journalists,

Congratulations on obtaining Louis van Gaal. From this moment on, you will be patronised, looked at with disdain, and haunted by a constant doubt if Mr. Van Gaal is flat out making fun of you or being dead serious. Before you embark on the journey that is having a post match interview with Mr. Van Gaal, you should make yourself familiar with these ten ground rules.

1. Be prepared for any possible mood Contrary to many other managers, whether the match is won, drawn or lost is no indication whatsoever of Van Gaal’s mood. Even if he has won and seems to be quite happy, one wrong question can - and will - put him off.

2. Start neutral Begin with a question about the match just played. “How did your team do?” or “What did you think?” will suffice. “You must be very disappointed” will not. That is because the match you saw and the match he saw can be very different ones. Mr. Van Gaal is perfectly comfortable declaring that a 0-3 loss at home to Sunderland was his team’s best game all season, just because his players were doing what he told them to do. It’s not always about what ends up on the scoreboard. Don’t enter the interview thinking it is.

3. Don’t introduce yourself Or else he’ll know your name, remember it and use it against you. You will not be some anonymous guy with a microphone and a cameraman on his side; you will be Gary, or Clive, or Tony, with whom he will or will not have a feud from the get-go. (He will.)

4. Stay on topic If the interview is about the game, you talk about the game. Not about the next game, transfer rumours or whatever happened on the training pitch. Every question about anything else than the game just played will derail the conversation.

5. It’s his language now, not yours Mr. Van Gaal will come up with new additions to the Oxford Dictionary. In Germany, he inadvertently (or was it?) introduced the phrase Der Tod oder die Gladiolen, a Dutch saying meaning literally “death or the gladioli”: all or nothing. This is because if Mr. Van Gaal speaks your language, it is no longer your language, it’s his. It is not Mr. Van Gaal who has trouble speaking English, it is you, for not going along with his obviously much better interpretation of it.

6. Try to avoid the meta-interview An interview with Mr. Van Gaal will almost inevitably wind up being an interview about the interview, or more specifically, him asking questions about your questions. This will be the moment you feel the conversation is slipping away from you. Switch back to the studio, or it will end up on YouTube.

7. Don’t repeat the question Never mind - you will fail at this. You won’t fool him, even if you think your follow-up question is a cleverly rephrased, well disguised one. He’ll say: “I just told you”. This is inevitable. Don’t try to avoid it, just try to get over it as smoothly as possible, like you would at a speed bump.

8. Keep on your toes At some point, you will think Mr. Van Gaal is joking. Sure, he does it with a straight face, but he’s joking, he must be. He’s mocking you. Or is he really this angry about this little thing you just said? No - it can’t be. You start to stammer. Ha! He’s just taking a… wait, is he? You will never know, as only Mr. Van Gaal knows. And he never breaks character.

9. Distinguish fact from opinion This is hard, as only Mr. Van Gaal can determine which are facts and which are opinions. Which team was disadvantaged by the ref, or which team should have won based on the number of chances? He, and only he, will have the answer. These are the facts. Your facts are opinions. After the 1-1 draw of The Netherlands against Ecuador last Saturday, he called the 0-1 an “unfortunate ball moment”: nothing to do about it. In Mr. Van Gaal’s world, this makes perfect sense. In your world it may not, but you are not to point this out, as he will call you dumb.

10. Stay under three minutes Try to get everything you need within that window. After that, the chances of hitting a conversational speed bump will statistically rise. You’ll start wandering into other realms of conversation (how about this or that rumour, Mr. Van Gaal?), or you will ask a question a second time, or he will say you did. After that, you’re on your own. Good luck, mate.

http://www.nrc.nl/nieuws/2014/05/21/british-journalists-follow-these-ten-rules-for-interviewing-louis-van-gaal/

Bye bye Bardo, Bardo goodbye.

Ah, Cristiano. Lollops about doing the square root of bugger all for two hours, scores a meaningless penalty and acts like he's just brokered world peace. His 'flex' for the cameras was clearly premeditated and really quite sad.
 
Until the moment Modric dispatched that superb curling cross for Ramos to equalise, the game was an exercise in strategic and tactical perfection from Atletico. In the end, the Costa gamble really came back to bite Simeone, a wasted substitution that left his side hopelessly knackered and desperately in need of an outlet up front.

Takeover no where in sight but Big Phil Senderos doesn't care! 

Out of the frying pan, into the fire. Goodbye Jack, and thanks for the memories. Both of them!

Clarence Seedorf replaced by Filippo Inzaghi in the Milan hotseat, despite winning seven of his last nine games. Which doesn't sound too shabby, at least from an outsider's perspective. Pippo still getting tap-ins after all these years.

Fit enough to stand and hold a shirt simultaneously at least. Welcome, Old King 'Mighty Joe' Cole!

In hindsight, it was a real gaffe for Cole to return to West Ham, where Big Sam's 'style' was never likely to suit him. At least at Villa he'll be playing in a more expansive team with plenty of energy around about, which may even allow him to flourish. Provided of course that his body can still hack it after all the knackeredness.

Cesc Fabregas has officially signed with Chelsea now.

I hope this is just a rumor...

• Xavi has agreed to join Qatari side Al Arabi, according to manager Dan Petrescu
• The former Chelsea defender insists he has personally spoken to the Spain international
• Reports in Romania suggest Xavi could earn around £6million a season

 

I hope this is just a rumor...

 

Xavi has agreed to join Qatari side Al Arabi, claims former Chelsea man Dan Petrescu

• Xavi has agreed to join Qatari side Al Arabi, according to manager Dan Petrescu
• The former Chelsea defender insists he has personally spoken to the Spain international
• Reports in Romania suggest Xavi could earn around £6million a season

 

I think it might be true. Following in the mold of some other former Barça stars, getting one last paycheck in the desert.

Well, somebody has to rearrange the deckchairs on the Aston Villa Titanic!

RIP Alfredo Di Stefano

BREAKING: Sanchez to Arsenal is a done deal. Announcement soon.

Another rumor I hope. This is going to suck if Sanchez leaves Barca

Arsenal is also linked to Sami Khedira.

If Wenger pulls that off, they could be a genuine title contender this year.

Though even then they could probably use one more top class CB.

I haven't really watched the Premiere League a lot, but I will be watching now. It's going to be interesting and I think they could beat the top La Liga teams with all of the talent going to England.