Guilty or Not Guilty?

Guilty once.

86'd from a drinking establishment?

Guilty. But only because it was morning already.

Laughed at someone because of his mustache?  

Yes, guilty, in the mirror.

Invoked your 5th amendment rights.

Not Guilty. I'm an aussie

Thrown someone into a pool while they are fully clothed?

Guilty

Slipped and/or tripped on escelators?

Not guilty

Ate an entire family size bag of Doritos by yourself?

Not guilty.

 But Cheetos,  Ohhhh yeah...

Cock blocked a skirt chasing acquaintance because you were tired of listening to their bullshit.

^ Guilty

Purposely stood at a red light after it turned green to piss off a tailgater?

Guilty

Sped up or slowed down to keep some VIP in a big hurry from cutting in front of you.

Guilty

Tipped your waiter or waitress a tip of 50% or more?

Not guilty  the legal here is 10%

Going to a car race?

Not guilty. Never interested.

Spent more than $1000 in one go.

Guilty.

Had surgery before?

Not Guilty

Have slept in the street?

Not Guilty.

Had a tooth pulled out?

Guilty. Had 4 teeth and wisdoms all taken in one go.

Verbally abused someone over the phone?

Guilty!

Threw something at someone just to piss them off?

Super Guilty. Do that all the time.

Been arrested?

Nope 

Have you ever stolen something worth more than $100? 

Not guilty

Been involved in a fist fight?