Why are you single?

2 hours ago, SympathysSilhouette said:

I guess I'm just so used to having my own place and having it to my own by this point?

I am too.

Would you be open to changing if you met an amazing person? I would be honest and let them know up front that that would be hard for me to do because I've been living by myself for a long time, but I'm willing to try for you.

3 hours ago, Stromboli1 said:

 

I am too.

 

Would you be open to changing if you met an amazing person? I would be honest and let them know up front that that would be hard for me to do because I've been living by myself for a long time, but I'm willing to try for you.

Depends on the person, I guess.

On 6/7/2016 at 8:45 AM, SympathysSilhouette said:

 

I guess I'm just so used to having my own place and having it to my own by this point?

I know, I was wondering if there was something deeper or insightful about what you want.

On 6/5/2016 at 8:49 PM, Stromboli1 said:

 

Trust me that you'll be more open minded and willing to sacrifice when you meet the one.

 

I do believe that it's harder for people to get married after being single for a long time because they become set in their ways and it's very hard to add another person into that.

 

My brother has been married twice and divorced twice. Marriage doesn't scare me at all, but seeing both of his marriages fail kind of make me apprehensive though. I know every relationship is different, but at least I learned what not to do and handle differently by looking outside of the bubble how his marriages crumbled. I know it's a shitty way of looking at things, we do learn vicariously too.

I have strong lifestyle/personality circumstances that work against maintaining it, as well:

- I manage people and their problems.  It's like having a family in a way..

-work too much, spend too much time not at home

-can't stand bossy and extremely oversensitive/dramatic/needy men and women.  I'm more of a life or death, everything else is details sort of guy.  So I am remarkably blase' about extending any interpersonal drama and don't like to see that complicate things.

-I am very loyal, and 'not being around' does not mean that my love or commitment to the friendship has dwindled any bit.  This is hard for most people to understand.  I just have a strong desire not to invest that much in relationships, and really need significant amounts my own time or else my quality of life suffers.

-Due to this loyalty I get really sentimental when it ends with the usual "I don't realize how much I cared about them until they're gone, I should have done much more".  It's become a trope that appears in my life over and over again with love and friendship.  

-Finding women that I know can handle these attributes (and I also like) is not that easy.

etc.etc.

My perfect woman is an even bigger social recluse than I am, alas we are destined to never meet.

I'm too scared of settling down with someone and the thought of entertaining someone when I can't even accept myself

just tired of previous relationship and afraid to hurt my partner and myself

I don' t find my perfect lover/boyfriend/love and sexual partner! 

Why am I single? Let's see and analyse:

Only recently I have become aware of the existence of the INCEL community. I knew nothing about them a few weeks ago. So, as a 47 years old virgin I asked myself: Am I an INCEL? The answer is yes and no. INCELS seem to have a lot of hate toward the "feminist" society, women and "Chads." I don't share such hate. Other people are not responsible of my sexual problems and frustrations. Either nobody is or I myself is responsible. Hate toward others would be immature, morally wrong and most importly harmful. It feels as if many INCELS lived in the past with a super-patriarchal mentality. So, I am not a hateful INCEL.

Many INCELS are also suicidal. I am not. There is so much to live for! Worshipping TRUE Goddesses and Goddesses is enough to have a reason to live, but there is so much more! Music, art, movies, science, nature, friends, family, coffee, chocolate and fantasies. Life is so worth living for even if I never find a woman for myself. Why on Earth would I want to die? It's like saying you want to die because you won only $100.000 in a lottery and not $10 million. Better enjoy that $100.000 to the fullest and that's what I'm doing!

My intellectual self-esteem is high, but my sexual self-esteem is extremely low. I understand well that women have zero interest in me physically. I am a 5'4" (163 cm) short "manlet" without muscles weighting  about 117 lb (53 kg). I wouldn't say my face is especially ugly, but it isn't handsome either. It is clear why my genes should be removed from the gene pool meaning I should not reproduce. Instead of genes I provide intellectual capital to the world. I "teach" other people and that's my legacy, my "children." Maybe I get registered on an INCEL forum and start teaching those suicidal hateful people how to deal with the situation better? Be their savior. As an 47 years old virgin I know their frustration, but I also have the intellect and life experience to know how to deal with it.

Long ago when I realized my smv is so low that it is useless to even try I turned the situation on it's head. I figured out that if I don't ever have sex with anyone I don't know what I'm missing and I can live in a delusion that I am not missing anything. Delusions can be dangeous, but since I am aware of the this delusion, I can control it's possible negative consequencies. I try to live in a way that causes no harm to others. That's a simple moral code everyone should follow. So, I masturbate to the pictures of the most beautiful women in the World. I feel it's a good compromise, especially since I don't know what real sex feels like. I don't know what driving a F1 car 350 km/h feels either and I don't lose my sanity over that. We just don't live in a paradise where everybody can experience everything. Better concentrate on things you can do. I can enjoy music and movies so that's what I do. I can drink coffee so that's what I do. I can practice my mind to understand 4-dimensional space-time so that's what I do. I feel those things are worth living for even if there are other things not available for me even more worth living for. People can increase their happiness by making an effort to learn to value more what they have instead of crying over what they don't have. Commercialism of course tries to brainwash us to think the opposite: "You can't be happy without the newest iPhone!" Getting intellectually above commercialism and other brainwashing is a big step toward happiness. Want to be happy? Want less and give more. It's that simple, but human nature makes it difficult to follow these simple rules.

Anyway, back to what kind of INCEL I am. I think I am partly a MENTALCEL because I have major insecurities and a mentality many would call a mental illness. I respect women and don't hate them. I think women are wonderful creatures. I hardly ever talk to women, but if I do I try to be respectful and nice. That makes me partly a NICEGUY. I am also SUBMISSIVE. I consider the most beautiful and sexiest women divine creatures who I worship as a pathetic worm. So I am a GODDESS WORSHIPPER too. I also have MASOCHISTIC tendensies inflicting pain on myself in order to worship women.

That makes me something like a MASOCHISTIC GODDESS WORSHIPPER MENTALCEL NICEGUY MANLET. No wonder I am single!

Whoa. Didn't expect to read such a post in here.

Can I ask you if you ever really tried to prove your theory that you are not desirable to the other sex?

I don't want to judge, but I find it odd that anyone would never have gotten the opportunity for sex at that age.

I'm not even talking about a meaningful, steady relationship, but just sex.

Is it possible you are over-complicating things by putting the act on a pedestal?

On the subject of incels, I read an article about a reformed 19-year old incel yesterday and in the margins of that piece, people discussed how young some of those guys are. Some are only 16-17 years old. It's insane to believe you'll never get laid at that age even if it hasn't happened yet.

43 minutes ago, SympathysSilhouette said:

Whoa. Didn't expect to read such a post in here.

Can I ask you if you ever really tried to prove your theory that you are not desirable to the other sex?

I don't want to judge, but I find it odd that anyone would never have gotten the opportunity for sex at that age.

I'm not even talking about a meaningful, steady relationship, but just sex.

Is it possible you are over-complicating things by putting the act on a pedestal?

 

On the subject of incels, I read an article about a reformed 19-year old incel yesterday and in the margins of that piece, people discussed how young some of those guys are. Some are only 16-17 years old. It's insane to believe you'll never get laid at that age even if it hasn't happened yet.

I agree with SS. There is someone out there that has, had or would have desire. Over thinking it does keep people single thiugh. And so does staying in a box that seems comfortable.

What is this to being labeled as incel? It doesn't look like a healthy community. But I really don't know much about it. Or participate in labels so maybe I shouldn't say. But if a bunch of people get together about a negative, even to just vent, it usually remains that way until someone changes. 

Worshipper Pa, you have written what is the saddest and most ignorant post I've ever seen. 

Women are not attracted to men the way men are, they do factor in personality and character to their biological programming beyond just the physical.  There is hope for you, you just have to figure out how to get past what's been holding you back.  It would start from ditched your negative, victim attitude and showing some fundamental pride and self esteem for who you are.

One of my childhood friends is 5' 2'' and suffered tremendous shame and hurt for being short and ugly - but he excelled in his career to make up for it and was able to attract despite being handicapped.

There is absolutely no reason to worship women, this is a problem many males on this forum have.  Strip away the looks and glorification of a lot these narcissistic models and what you have? A selfish person and someone not very bright, talented, or interesting most of the time.   Be as ruthless in judging women as you are to men.  Because they've been judging you, as you may have noticed.

I am single because now I only believe in mutual, passion an true love, and in monogamy, because I care about health and trust.

I am single because I don't believe in mutual love and passion. It seems to me that always someone alone loves more. I was in a serious relationship several times, but it all ended in parting. Now I am single, but I am not sad, because I still continue to communicate with many women, even through https://www.tendermeets.com/ I try to get to know and meet more often.
I like free relationships.

I don' t like free relathionships, and people want to be free and stay sexually with 5 people at same time. I believe in faithful relationships, with mutual love, and psysical appareance is very important: I don' t like calbs who think they are the best, or only millionarie who want a silly blonde, or people obsessed with their bodies who don' t like travel or go to the cinema.

I think the biggest thing is is that I don't go out that much, I really don't have any close friends, I mostly have acquaintances. I don't really know what to do most of the time, I have a very limited amount of things i like to talk about. I have social anxiety issues, and I have social issues, some of it caused by my HFA. I also can't really do a whole lot, my disability prevents me from doing strenuous physical activities such as walked and climbing and going down stairs. 

The other thing is my focus, I'm focused getting independent, try to get someplace where I can live on my own. I'm focused on my education and getting on social security. There is so much I have to worry about right now, I think I'm quite overwhelmed.

On 11/21/2019 at 1:30 PM, Tania82 said:

I don' t like free relathionships, and people want to be free and stay sexually with 5 people at same time. I believe in faithful relationships, with mutual love, and psysical appareance is very important: I don' t like calbs who think they are the best, or only millionarie who want a silly blonde, or people obsessed with their bodies who don' t like travel or go to the cinema.

Sorry, I don' t want open relathionship, but I like it in cinema, films, series, books... and I understand not all people are faithful, but I expect the same in love relathionship. And of course, education, same interestings (if he want to go all night to the pub drinking and me prefer to sleep we are not incompatibility) and  of course, physical and mind connection.