Football

You're welcome, world.

I read that Benteke had a good game - without scoring though.

Perhaps now, when Mourinho says Chelsea have no chance of winning the title, people will believe him. Unless his team playing dull, lacklustre football and making revolting challenges was meant to be another one of his mind games?

It's gotten to the point now where our home form has become a constant source of frustration. Gus must find an effective way of breaking down teams who set out to defend, and he must to do it fast, because whenever we host those around us, they'll all be using the same tactics. Like Palace yesterday, they won't need to beat us, just stop us from catching them.

Needless to say, the Norwich game is an absolutely massive one.

Joe Bennett just made the greatest comeback since Lazarus. 

I hope Man U sign a good centre half in the summer as they could do with another winger.

"He is just fucking amazing! Absolutely fucking amazing! His commentary..." She is momentarily lost for words, shaking her head almost in disbelief. "Well, its just amazing. They've added loads of other (pundits) now but I preferred it when it was pure Gary Neville."

Reason 6,563,246,909 why Keira Knightley is the best.

'Liverpool wasted £64m on Andy Carroll, Stewart Downing and Charlie Adam' is the new 'Liverpool wasted £80m on Andy Carroll, Stewart Downing, Charlie Adam and Jordan Henderson'.

Davey Moyes must stay, it's too much fun to stop now.

How nice of Galatasaray and Olympiakos to provide Chelsea and United with such easy passages into the last eight!

(to the tune of late '90s hit single Glorious by Andreas Johnson)

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee's BRINGING ME IN, CHECKING ME OUT, MAKING ME MOOOOOYYYYESRIOUUUUUSSSSS

The draw for the last eight of the UEFA ITV Champions League

Barcelona vs. Atletico Madrid

Real Madrid vs. Borussia Dortmund

Paris Saint Germain vs. Chelsea

Man Utd vs. Bayern Munchkins

The boys better buck up their ideas or we could get Schalked!

And the Zooropa League draw

Benfica vs. AZ Alkmaar

Lyon vs. Juventus

Basel vs. Valencia

Porto vs. Sevilla

Man Utd vs. Bayern Munchkins

Oh lord. I wonder how Giggsy will get on against the Bayern midfield?

It makes me feel awful to say it (and of course, there's still plenty of football still to be played between now and May), but if we go to Norwich and turn in a performance like that then truthfully, we don't deserve to be in this league. How on earth we can claim to be the sort of team that looks after the ball is beyond me, we were completely incapable of stringing two passes together. I'd like to see the Liverpool game in midweek called off on humanitarian grounds.

To my mind Sunderland, at the very least, need a win and a draw before the back to back games at Chelsea and City otherwise their survival seems overly reliant on picking up wins against highly motivated fellow strugglers right at the climax of the season, which is a daunting prospect to say the least.

Well it was a fun few days being the toast of the mid-table mediocrity but that's about as sickening a result as one could imagine.  

Im very disapointed after Gran Derby. This defeat can be very significant. Barcelona was better.  Individual mistakes stopped great run. Ancelloti still didn't find solution for FCB. Great match by Di Maria and Benzema. And Ramos (Sorry I blame him) Bale and Ronaldo poor game.

Get a grip, Neymar, you looked like a kid filling in for his dad's pub team.

Seems a bit odd that Real Madrid are complaining about the ref when he awarded them a penalty for a foul that happened outside of the box...

Messi to the rescue for Barca, a clinical hat-trick. The penalties conceded by Madrid were so easily avoidable, particularly the second one. Iniesta had already lost the ball and there were others there for cover, but Alonso still felt the need to steam in, block him with his knee and give him a bit of a kick. A frustrating and unnecessary brain-freeze that cost his team the game. Also, in addition to Neymar being rubbish, Bale was rubbish.

Depending on how their respective fixtures pan out between now and mid-May, the Barca-Atletico showdown on the final day could be bordering on apocalyptic.

Cleverley is like a bloke at a wedding reception who wants to do a song with the band, but only knows two chords.