Football
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Presumably the words "Crooksy, I'll level with ya, there's one flaw that'll stop us winning the Prem this season and here it is, on a plate for you, scoop of the year..." did not actually fall out of Pellegrini's mouth but hot dang I'll be watching just to make sure anyway!
Cracking. I presume this was designed to create a touch of mystery and boost viewers, instead it makes poor old Garth look a complete pillock. And as we all know, he doesn't usually need much help in that department. 
Decent opening result on what's become something of a bogey ground for us in recent years. For better or worse, West Brom are likely to be one of our closet rivals this season and it’s important we pick up points from those around us. Completely agree with the comments made by Poyet after the game, the Sunderland of last season would have fallen apart after going behind. Any squad that's only two injuries away from having to play Roberge would be in urgent need of reinforcements, but that's been the case since the year dot anyway.
Also, Lee Cattermole has scored more goals this season than the entire Newcastle squad. Long may it continue! 
As Sophie Ellis-Bextor and Spiller once pondered
Wei does it feel
(Wei?)
Wei does it feel
(Wei?)
Wei does it feel
(Wei?)
Wei does it feel so good?
LOL!
Do you reckon you'll get back season one or season two Benteke?
LOL!
Do you reckon you'll get back season one or season two Benteke?
Fact is, even if its a half crocked/disinterested CB that returns to us he'll still be a much better goalscoring threat than Agbonlahor and that'd do me. Who knows, it might not even be up to him, as an institution we're about as stable as Charlie Sheen on Colombian Heritage Day. One minute Matt Lowton looked talented, the next he was worse than Delhi belly. Alan Hutton is now seen a source of pride after a Lenin in Siberia style exile. Lambert's signed more left backs than Val Kilmer's made bad movies. Roy Keane is brought in to END a culture of bullying. Takeover, no takeover, Randy doesn't want to spend money, Randy starts spending money....and yet we're still better than West Brom. The mind boggles.
No falsies info here, turns out you spell it MalKKKy MacKKKay.
Good to hear that Balotelli might be coming back to the premiership. Missed that guy. On another note, I don't think di maria will cope in the BPL because of his protesting like a young Cristiano Ronaldo. Nobody likes that type of behaviour in England.
I was going to put all my favourite delusional newspaper cuttings pertaining to Man U from this summer into a scrapbook but my doctor told me it could do irreparable damage to my spine trying to lift it.
Transfer deadline day is nearing! The dumbest of biannual traditions.
Featuring men and women standing outside of grounds all over England, often times with brolly in hand, telling absolutely nothing.
I'm afraid Sky long ago took Jim White into Snakes on a Plane territory, what was once a vaguely cute concept - in this case an old excitable Scotsman acting like a coked up gerbil - has long since turned into an overly self-conscious instaironic meta thinkpiece on cultural vapidity. I actually preferred it when he was mostly known for sycophantic Q&As with Doug Ellis. Of the SSN gang Julian Waters is criminally unheralded, he being the particularly boring one with the bowl cut who's been there for decades; no nonsense, never fumbles, isn't in any way flirty, a safe pair of hands.
When Sky decided to brand the whole occasion and fill it with irritating montages about how mad Jim was and about Harry hanging out of his car window, they succeeded only in squeezing every last drop of fun out of it.
A mate of mine just sent me a text, saying he spotted Danny Welbeck at the Stadium of Light yesterday. You heard it here first!
Black Cat steals the show at the Nou Camp, a headline I hope to see again one day!
A mate of mine just sent me a text, saying he spotted Danny Welbeck at the Stadium of Light yesterday. You heard it here first!
Spoony, it's Gaz, just seen Jermaine Defoe at a service station outside Stourbridge for the fifteenth August 31st in a row. He bought a pack of wine gums and some flamin' hot Monster Munch. He kept telling unsuspecting passers by that he was delighted to be signing for Aston Villa. He was escorted off the premises shortly thereafter.
Balotelli has signed with Liverpool
Black Cat steals the show at the Nou Camp, a headline I hope to see again one day!
Twitter named him Lionel Meowsi.
The Spanish football federation suspended Atletico Madrid coach Diego Simeone for eight matches on Monday after he was sent off during the second leg of the Spanish Super Cup.
The federation announced its decision three days after defending Spanish champion Atletico beat Real Madrid1-0 to win the Super Cup 2-1 on aggregate.
Simeone was ejected in the 25th minute of the match at Vicente Calderon Stadium for dissent after he vociferously called for Juanfran Torres to be allowed back on the pitch after being treated on the sidelines. The defender had received treatment for a cut on his lip that had bloodied his shirt and was waiting to go back out.
Simeone was suspended for four games for tapping the back of the assistant referee's head, two games for protesting, one game for applauding his sending off, and one game for remaining in the stands instead of going to the changing room after his expulsion. The federation statement cited referee Fernandez Borbalan's match report.
Simeone was also fined 4,805 euros ($6,339), while Atletico was fined 2,800 euros ($3,694). Assistant coach German Burgos will take over for Simeone while he serves his suspension. On Sunday, Simeone said he was ready to accept a sanction. ''When you make a mistake it is right to pay for it,'' Simeone said.
Atletico has 10 days to file an appeal.
Di Maria at Man Utd. Tut.
United's apparent policy of buying attacking players just because they're available while neglecting the base that allows them to operate is mystifying. Still, a 4-2-3-1 with Van Persie, Rooney, Mata and Di Maria as the front four does sound pretty saucy, provided Van Gaal is able to get Young Master Wayne playing as if he's interested.
Twitter named him Lionel Meowsi.
I was going to try and think of a couple of alternatives, but Tabby Hernandez was the best I could do. Needless to say, I don’t plan on giving up my day job any time soon. 