Let's Play Hard To Get

I found this article (type thing, if you can even call it an article) on askmen.com

Why Do Some Women Play Hard To Get?

By Heidi Muller

All the world's a dating game and all the men and women merely players. Men are taught to play hard to get in order to seem more attractive to women, while women, usually on the receiving end of the "pickup," are conditioned to be a challenge, like a porcupine whose quills stand up on end when on the defensive.

Dating is a game and if it wasn't, it wouldn't be as much fun. If you've successfully dated every woman you approached, you might have one hell of an ego but in the grand scheme of things, you wouldn't have any fun. As aggravating as it is to pace around your living room, wondering whether she's interested in you or not, the challenge of it all makes dating more exciting.

So why is this woman never accepting a date or returning your calls? Well, she already knows but it's up to you to find out.

the pickup

Exhibit A

She's at the same old bar with the same old friends, in her little miniskirt and halter-top. You see her from a distance and she's constantly looking your way. You approach her with your sinister glare and killer smile, and you even use the approach that has never failed you before. But for some reason, this fish ain't biting.

Verdict

Granted, she goes out dressed to kill with her guns pointing right in your direction, but that doesn't mean she wants you to approach her. She wants men to look her way and she would be upset if they didn't. But when men do gawk and approach, she doesn't want to be made to feel like a piece of meat. She's therefore going to be standoffish, unless you don't treat her like a mission of yours.

the call

Exhibit B

You've beaten the odds and gotten her number, but that's only half the battle; you haven't called and asked her out yet. You dial her digits and lo and behold, you get her answering machine. "Hi Sandy, it's Mark. I met you on Saturday night at Alley Kats. Just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing. You can reach me at 555-5959. Speak to you soon, Mark."

Two days pass and she still hasn't called you back. You call her again and happen to catch her answering the phone. She apologizes for not having called you earlier but she was busy, busy, busy.

Verdict

Why didn't she call you when she had the chance? The same reason you would play hard to get with her. She's playing her cards right, and doesn't want to look too available. She wants to be pursued and wants you to think she's calm and collected, even though her heart may skip a beat when the phone rings.

Remember that appeal and interest usually increase relative to the challenge involved. If she were available whenever you wanted, called you all the time, and slept with you after one night, you would lose interest quicker because the hunt is over. You have her in your back pocket, along with the home, work, cell, and fax numbers that she gave you. But if she keeps you guessing and doesn't tell you what she's doing Friday night after she declines your date, you're left intrigued.

the invitation

Exhibit C

It's Wednesday night and you want to call her so that you can secure reservations at a trendy Moroccan restaurant, and impress her with your good taste in cuisine and atmosphere. She says she's busy on Friday night, and when you ask her about Saturday, she replies that she's taking her aunt to the airport. Is she busy for lunch? One day she has to take her cat to the vet and the other day she has to take her mother shopping.

Frustrated and fresh out of ideas (you were close to suggesting driving her and her cat to the vet but decided against it), you tell her to call you when she's ready to do something (or at least consider it). She has your number -- you gave it to her 3 times, area code and all -- but still no call.

Verdict

If a woman has your number and has declined two of your invitations without mentioning the possibility of a future date, she's not playing hard to get; she's playing hard to never get. If she were interested, she would call you at some point or at least apologize for being so busy and give you a future possibility, like mentioning that next week is much better for her and that the two of you can go out then. If she's busy all the time and makes no attempt to keep the window of possibility open, it's clear she doesn't want to waste either of your time. Move on, game over.

the date

Exhibit D

On the other hand, if she does accept your invitation for a date and the two of you secure the time and place, then you're still in the game, buddy. You take her to the Moroccan place you had in mind and everything is going great -- the conversation, chemistry and couscous -- you may just stand a chance with her. At the end of the night, you take her hand and lean over to kiss her once you arrive at the romantic waterfall down the street. She pulls away shyly and walks the other way towards the car.

Verdict

Why the sudden disinterest? She may not trust you right away. She has either been hurt in the past, or her friends have been hurt, or she has heard her male friends boasting about how they succeeded to ditch a woman after having sex with her. Her distrust and intuition cause her to play hard to get with you. She doesn't want to get sucked into whatever game you may or may not be playing and she's protecting herself from getting hurt.

Men don't give women enough credit, and don't realize that even if a woman has had only the best of romantic experiences, she has a natural instinct, a sixth sense if you will, that you can't mess with.

So if she's proving to be more of a challenge than you anticipated, then she may just be testing the waters with you.

the relationship

Exhibit E

Everything with you and the woman of your dreams is going great but she's still holding her guard with you. You want to go away for a weekend, but she's still hesitant about those plans.

Verdict

Although men are less likely to commit to a relationship, when they do fall for a woman in particular, they are usually surer about it than their female counterparts. Men aren't as likely to ask hypothetical questions such as "what if I meet someone at work?" and "what if she's not Ms. Right?" Women, on the other hand, ask themselves too many questions in order to figure out whether you're the man they have been looking for their whole life.

how do you plea?

Playing hard to get is part of the dating game, not to mention the part that makes it fun. And you shouldn't let her do all the playing -- when you're pursuing a woman, play the part of the challenge too. While she declines invitations and doesn't return your calls, you should make it clear that you're busy and have your own life as well. Once you show her that your life revolves around her (at least too early on), she will never want to be part of that world.

Both parties are armed with their rules and methods of playing the game, in the hopes of winning the ultimate prize. Once you know why women play hard to get, whether it's in order to be pursued, be cautious, or because they're simply not interested, at least you'll have the upper hand in the game and you'll know if and when to move on to the next player.

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ok I posted that without completely reading it through and I think it sucks.

I wanted the point of this thread to be for us to exchange tips on how to mess with guys'/girls' head and keep them guessing about you ... FOREVER haha.

here's another one (non of these are perfect):

Many men and women in an attempt to create that sense of mystery, unfamiliarity, and the thrill of the chase end up becoming too elusive (playing impossible to get) that the other person assumes theyâre not interested or the other person after a while gets tired, gives up and moves on.

The whole point of âplaying hard to get" is to demonstrate your VALUE to others and you canât do that by being too available (clingy, needy or eager to please) nor by simply making yourself unavailable (saying "no" all the time or making yourself too scarce) or even by being overly aggressive ( being manipulative, demanding or controlling). You demonstrate VALUE by creating a sense of exclusiveness (exceptional and extraordinary).

Creating that sense of âexclusiveness" requires:

1) A wise and intelligent awareness about what you are doing

Look at it this way, you're the owner of a luxurious brand who wants to confer an image of superior quality to a buyer. You are not going to achieve this by using "open house," (I'm desperate, I will take anyone) or "permanently out of stock" (don't take calls, cancel dates, try to make him or her jealous etc) methods. You confer an image of superior quality by a good understanding of yourself first and foremost.

Self-awareness is the key. I cannot stress this enough. Self-awareness especially awareness of your sexual imprint (why you are attracted to certain people and not others, why you behave the way you behave, why you fear what you fear, why you believe what you believe and do what you do etc) will enable you direct your energy in positive ways, make the right decisions and maintain balance and moderation.

2) Knowledge of what appeals to a particular man or woman

Each and everyone of us has a uniquely personalized set of things that naturally attract or repel us sexually and erotically. How do you figure out what attracts or repels a particular man or woman? One, by asking questions... lots of them. Ask questions with the intention of finding out what makes him or her tick - his or her own sexual imprint. And two, by doing things that make him or her feel that you truly and genuinely understand him or her as a unique individual. When you tap into the deepest and sometimes most forbidden desires, fantasies, and passions of a person, it is possible to spend just five minutes with him or her and create such strong attraction that he or she later on, on their own, recalls the experience with good feelings about seeing and being with you again. It's this "good feelings" that fuel the chase.

3) Ability to make someone feel special without seeming too needy or eager to please

If somebody is going to chase you, they want to know with some degree of certainty that you are worth the chase. Thereâs nothing that is a bigger turnoff for both men and women than someone who is predictable, not much of a challenge, too rigid or controlling, desperate or too eager to please, incurably negative and downright boring. The person must feel that youâre worth his or her time and energy and what he or she is chasing is not something he or she can easily get on the street corner but rather something offered to only a âprivileged" few. Men and women want to feel that you're valuable and only those who deserve it will earn you as a reward. Itâs kind of like a âmembers only" exclusive club where the person being allowed in feels âthey must be special". When you make someone feel special, they in return will feel you are also special.

4) Capacity to impact on someone's life so much that they are positively transformed as a result of knowing you

Really savvy and skilled brand creators take âexclusivity" one step further. They just donât stop at âby invitation only" phase, but instead create an entire lifestyle. That is, they challenge a man or woman pursing them to become more of themselves and do more than theyâd dared to do before. If your words, actions, and behaviours can actually make the person experience a very strong state of arousal, excitement or deep sense of peace creating strong memories those memories will be added to the personâs sexual imprint and so will you - forever.

Playing hard to get done the right way can be the most powerful form of seduction there is. And we all have the ability to craft transcendent experiences that can make our dates, lovers, and spouses feel they are flirting (literally!) with the unpredictable and the unknown in a most intense, agreeable, pleasing, charming, endearing, enticing, enlivening, and reality altering way.

If you are just getting to know a man or woman and not sure whether he or she is âplaying hard to get" or just "not interested" see my article: How Do You Tell If Someone Is Playing Hard To Get Or Just Not Interested? (article can be found in the Articles section of my website under sub-heading The Art Of Seduction).

About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullnessâ¢.

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I have problems with this ... this gets a little too hard core about finiding a permant partner because the author is a dating coach, which scares the living crap out of me.

she has a couple of good points about playing hard to get though i.e.:

1. Know yourself

I would say, know what your assets are and use them (example: you have nice boobs or buff arms so show them off or you have a good sense of humor then make her/him laugh)

2. Chances are you're not going to have an oppertunity to intarigate the girl/guy about what they like about guys or girls before you date them (not everything is so simple). But you can tell by body language or verbal communication when someone likes a certain part of your body (via .. watch their eyes wander on you) or if they like what your saying (facial reactions or verbal)

3. She never explained how to make someone feel special withouth seeming needy or stupid (that's an artcile fault) she just says it's necessary, well I guess ppl looking for "dating tips are screwed"

4. THIS IS just too much for me... just make sure the first time you hook up that you are MIND blowing in the sack, I guess.

5. Oh there is no number 5.

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k... honestly... these are some of my secrets (for girls)

1. don't be the first to call or text when you get someone's number

2. when they text you don't reply right away and obviously if they call let it ring a few times or miss the call all together and call back another day (pretend your so busy but u might give him the time of day .... eventually)

3. if u text back don't write too much ... (be mysterious, and don't give too much away). If you talk on the phone, same thing .. avoid talking too much. let him lead u... keep him guessing

4. If u text first or call first and there is no answer... LEAVE IT... don't make contact again until he does and if he doesn't well... screw him...

that's all i can think of so far. I'm trying to look for a more relevant article...

girls like you confuse the hell out of us.

lol. "Hard to never get", my favorite game. It's way better game than just plain old "Hard to get". "Hard to get" is plain too easy. Usually game over in about a week or two.

Gotta love "Hard to never get" though. You'll never get laid but the banter is gold.

i think the girl who wrote the artcile for askmen is an idiot. hard to never get means the person is hard not to get.. which means easy to get

i think she meant... never going to get. lol

i hate hard to get

but if she's easy to get ... then u don't want her after you've had her.

we love to hate the games of love my friend.

personally, i like the easier route, and i still keep interested

Dude, getting there is half the fun... okay well... most of the fun. Once you're in a relationship, it's like boring. Granted, you know where your next 100 lays are coming from but the challenge is gone. You're left with maintaining a relationship which is like meh. I can save that all for when I'm older, a little more experienced, and ready to settle.

To tell you the truth, I usually lose a bit of interest once I figure out I actually have a chance with a girl. Which is why I pass on most girls. I'm good, what can I say?

lol

No but seriously, I think I'm wired to only fall for girls who hate my guts or just plain old can't have.

i think the girl who wrote the artcile for askmen is an idiot. hard to never get means the person is hard not to get.. which means easy to get

i think she meant... never going to get. lol

but if she's easy to get ... then u don't want her after you've had her.

we love to hate the games of love my friend.

Dude, getting there is half the fun... okay well... most of the fun. Once you're in a relationship, it's like boring. Granted, you know where your next 100 lays are coming from but the challenge is gone. You're left with maintaining a relationship which is like meh. I can save that all for when I'm older, a little more experienced, and ready to settle.

To tell you the truth, I usually lose a bit of interest once I figure out I actually have a chance with a girl. Which is why I pass on most girls. I'm good, what can I say?

lol

No but seriously, I think I'm wired to only fall for girls who hate my guts or just plain old can't have.

What are you talking about? I can be intimate! :persuazn:

It is what I secretly desire but am too insecure to admit so I put on this macho facade to hide it.

Yes, Ma'am. Deep down inside I'm a sensitive guy.

:yuckky:

PS. No seriously. I have a bitch fetish. I like hair pulling and spike heels. Oh... and there's nothing wrong with plain old women.

haha you guys are jokes.

Anyways I totally agree with the hard to get business making guys/girls more interesting/attractive. I know from personal experience. I have an exboyfriend that I'm friends with and date occasionally to date these days and he is nice and all but I know I can have him where I want him, when I want him and just about any way I want him.... sure it's nice to have someone totally kiss ur ass, but at the same time, let's face it it's boring.

on the other hand, there is another guy that I've hooked up with a couple of time (never slept with, only messed around with) who I've been playing hard to get with for a year now on and off. Given, he plays the same with me (he's really strange) and although I think he's a complete idiot, I'd throw my ex-boyfriend under the bus any day just for some action with hard2get4ayear lol

Sad, I kno.

Still... I bet hard2get4ayear is better looking.

lol all my friends think my ex is more attractive. I think they are both good looking. the ex is half italian and half carribean and the other is half russian and half african.

those are some pretty interesting mixes... do they have sisters? i would like to try those flavors out

those are some pretty interesting mixes... do they have sisters? i would like to try those flavors out

LOL. the ex doesn't but his whole family i.e. all of his cousins are mixed. they go from completely caucausian to philipina to half white and half black...

the other ... hmm I know he has a brother... that's it I think lol I don't know much about his family.

I love how off topic this got ... Tooboku u kill me lol

so, it is true that biracial people are more attracted to other biracial people? cuz thats how it is with me

Hey! Back to topic! :anger:

Cute little guy Toob.. But do you have to get so upset?

Gees...