Vaginismus

this sounds horrible...

Vaginismus is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse.

i look this up because my cousin told me that her friend has these problem, and after 2 months of marriage she got divorced because she has this problem that really suck

here is the source that i found:

http://www.vaginismus.com/faqs/vaginismus-...t-is-vaginismus

my cousin wants me to give her an advice, about what she can do to help her friend's depression, and i don't know what to tell her. then only thing i told my cousin to tell her friend is that is not her fault that she has this problem.

It's such a shame that she got divorced because of this... Unless maybe her partner didn't know about her problem before marriage (but how come?).

I think you should try to make her not think about it too much. It might be hard, I know, but you should spend as much time together as you can - hang out, meet your mutual friends and so on... Just try to have fun, even if it's so difficult for her now.

i know there are support groups for this, and even doctors who specialize in treating it. Perhaps it might help?

It's such a shame that she got divorced because of this... Unless maybe her partner didn't know about her problem before marriage (but how come?).

Thats why sex before marriage is so important, so this whole "i'm saving myself for marriage" is bs....

my cousin told me that she told her that she did not told him about her problem, because she was scare that he wouldn't marry her, and that she really want to marry him because she was in love with him. i invited my cousin and her friend today to come to my house, to watch movies, and eat snacks.

Russelb has got a point there. Too bad she didn't tell him about her problem. Maybe he could understand it, or maybe not. It would be a good 'test' for him, whether HE really loved her too or not. Or, rather, how important sex was for him.

Russelb has got a point there. Too bad she didn't tell him about her problem. Maybe he could understand it, or maybe not. It would be a good 'test' for him, whether HE really loved her too or not. Or, rather, how important sex was for him.

Well it's not just about love. The thing is that chemistry in the bedroom is very important. Doesn't matter what qualities the person has or whatever, if there is no chemistry in the bedroom, the relation will most likely not survive.

Another point, mate

my cousin's friend is still depressed and i don't know what to do to help her. i told her that she can go to a support group,

but she doesn't want to, she's embarrassed to go there.

my cousin's friend is still depressed and i don't know what to do to help her. i told her that she can go to a support group,

but she doesn't want to, she's embarrassed to go there.

If she's not willing to seek help from professionals than she's pretty much just gotta deal with it then. I know it's harsh, but there are support groups and such because there are PLENTY of people who go through this and it's nothing to be ashamed of. But like I said, if she isn't willing to help herself, so be it.

Well aren't support groups full of people just like her? That's the whole idea of it.

i am pretty sure the support groups are people just like her. she just doesn't want to go.

i am pretty sure the support groups are people just like her. she just doesn't want to go.

Like I said: If she won't go, she can't get help. So she's going to just have to deal with it.

Sorry for sounding a little harsh, but that's just the way it is in this sort of situation.

Russelb has got a point there. Too bad she didn't tell him about her problem. Maybe he could understand it, or maybe not. It would be a good 'test' for him, whether HE really loved her too or not. Or, rather, how important sex was for him.

Well it's not just about love. The thing is that chemistry in the bedroom is very important. Doesn't matter what qualities the person has or whatever, if there is no chemistry in the bedroom, the relation will most likely not survive.

maybe i'm wrong, but i think the problem is something else.

apparentely, she knew she had this problem before to date with him... means she had sex with other guys.

so she certainly said that she was still virgin and wanted to be married before to have sex or sex was a very important thing and they needed to wait.

result, he certainly felt betrayed, angry and frustrated. maybe he thought they shared the same values and finally, she just hidden a psychological problem and maybe she lied about it.

he must thinks she didn't enough trust in him because she didn't tell him the true and she waited he was blocked by their engagement (as an husband, he couldn't leave her so easily) and discover the problem by himself because she couldn't avoid it...

build a relationship with lies and without trust (and sex) is not a good beginning and maybe he had the feeling that he wasn't married at the woman that she pretended to be...

of course, this is just my opinion ans as i already said, i can be wrong.

about her vaginismus at first she should try to talk about her problem... she can be shy, have been victim of sexual violences... there are many diffenrent reasons and without understand this point, it's impossible to help her...

she must talk and certainly change her "sexuality"... maybe try another places...for exemple have sex in a bubles bath with candles around them and sweet music.

this is not as bad as it seems.. I mean yeah if you are not having sex often or have not had children yet. It kind of does. I am not sure if this is for every woman who has this but I have found the more active a woman gets with sex, the more parts open. the contractions always are there but they become less painful and actually more .. uumm.. better feeling for both parties. It is a slow process that needs to be done very gently but it can be done. It will be kind of like having sex for the first time quite a few times but if done right its not that bad. Its kind of hard to say without getting into specifics. but i will say that this can actually be quite pleasing if she can become adapted to her partner and become more relaxed. Some men like things .. uummm .. no better way to say it... tight so she will be able to provide this contractions even after child birth which not all women can. although, i know with this condition child birth can be diffiicult natural.

And as for divorcing over sex.. it should never be a main key for marriage...EVER. When someone gets older eventually you wont be able to have sex like you used or one of you can not preform like they used to... etc.. etc.. The most important to a marriage should be the compatibility and the choice to love for each other. If this marriage didnt not have that to survive a complication in sex, then maybe this was not the right man for her. if you do not have sex as a result from the feelings/compatibilty/love, and as something that is mandatory in a relationship just because its supposed to happen, then your relationship is very well set for difficulties. Besides there is sooooo much you can do without intercourse until issues get somewhat resolved, so the actualy intercourse being an issue really is no excuse.

she must talk and certainly change her "sexuality"... maybe try another places...for exemple have sex in a bubles bath with candles around them and sweet music.

She already try that, and that did not work out. She try to stick to her pinky and that didn't even went thru, her vagina just does not open.

their is something wrong with her vajayjay.

and what about the oral sex ?

does she enjoy it ?

yeah she did enjoy it, but her ex husband wanted penetration. so he divorced cuz of that. that really suck.

apparently not enough XD

i joke.

so, it's mean that she's not shy because if she was complexed by her body (something who could create a vaginismus) she could refuse to receive oral sex.

when i was kid i made "vaginal" kinesitherapy. i'm born with many troubles of hips/sex and my vagina/urinary bladder wasn't enough "strong" so i made kinesitherapy. i was obligated to open and close my sex, make a vaginal musculation.

i think maybe it could help her to "relax" her sex and be more "flexible"...

when she has her periodes, does she use tampons ?

yeah she did enjoy it, but her ex husband wanted penetration. so he divorced cuz of that. that really suck.

As fucked up as it is, i don't think i could really blame the guy.