Open-Relationships

open relationships are kind of oxymoron. If you are in a real relationship it would not be open.. an open relationship is a good friend with benefits.

Hahahaha...

Totally. The way I see it, theres two type of love out there. Theres love from the ego which is something we make up to cover up our own insecurities in ourselves. For example we usually refer to people we are in relationships with as "our better half". What is that supposed to mean? Really. Two half people don't make a whole person, you just get two half people but the ego doesn't know any better. Theres all sorts of strange and kinky things with love that comes from the ego what would make people ashamed of themselves. For the purpose of this comment however I'll stick to this... love from the ego is a quantitative love. It assumes that there is a fixed amount of love a person can give and therefore wants as much of it as possible. This leads to jealousy and so on. At the point where the ego feels that it isn't getting 100% of that love from the selected person, the ego will attack to try to get it back or even find it from somewhere else. With love from the ego, another can always be found. Again this has been summarized way too much as the underlying mechanics with love from the ego are really scarry. I will say though, that love from the ego will not allow open relationships unless theres something else the two of you are using each other for because at the end that's what love from the ego is. It isn't really love, the two of you are using each other to meet a need left behind by your own insecurities.

True love on the otherhand is a qualitative love. It is limitless and therefore is not concerned with quantity. It is naturally all inclusive. It is naturally open.

Yeah! Orgies for all!

Unfortunately, that isn't how it works. This will also be an over simplification because as scarry as love from the ego is, true love is infinitely as beautiful. With qualitative love, say I love my parents more than your parents. It doesn't mean that my parents are more worthy of love that yours, it simply means that they are my chosen ones to express that love with in a certain manifestation. I still love your parents to the same quality but since my parents are my chosen ones, the time I spend with them means the quantity of love I have with them is more. Same goes for romantic relationships, for lack of a better word. We each get one person who is chosen for us to explore true love with in that fashion. This person is our partner in learning all the lessons in love we will be learning throughout our lives. The cool thing is that we get to have sex with this partner. This is our chosen person to have sex with as well. If you're a college student, you don't go to Jimmy down the street's parents for money when you can't make rent or are out of groceries. You usually go to your own.

So... if you're in an "open relationship" by either form, ego or true love, it doesn't really count as a "romantic" relatioship. The two of you are just using each other for sex.

Okay... that's all. This philosophy class is driving me nuts!

Ego... True..

What about mistunderstood lust for love .. or misunderstood friendship for lovers? It is interesting how sexual appeal or endorphins can be misinterpreted.

I do agree about open relationships being two people using each other.. but it would be the other people they are open with that would be used for sex.. wouldn't it be something more for each other? I mean.. it would be friends with benefits .. possibly best friends for sex.. but the others that they just get to know and have sex with other than each other.. that would be who gets used for sex.. right?

To declare an open relationship someone would be better just to say they are "not commited" to each other.. no?

There are so many ways to look at this. What about someone like a prostitute who has sex with 5 or 6 men regullarly.. and one is her boyfriend.. or husband.. would the only difference in a open relationship or not commited relationship who is having sex with 5 or 6 people would be the prostitute would get paid.. or am I wrong? And if it is open there could be no limit to how many partners either choose to have.. so again the only difference could be the prostitute may not have sex with every client (some people only want fetishes or fantasies fulfilled which do not always include sexual intercourse) and of course gets paid.

Oh.. yeah.. Toobs.. want an "open relationship"? :brows:

Hmmm.... sounds tempting.

However, I've seen Aries post in this thread and she may be reading my response to this. If I accept, I may be hurting her feelings which is something I could not bear to do.

Haha.

I over simplified my examples though. When I used the word ego, I was using it in a similar context as Freud did but also much more similar to the way it is referred to by those who study the Enneagram. Ego is the identity for which you think you are while your true Self lies beneath that. Continuing on this topic would severely derail this thread however.

I will try to simplify again by saying that we exist on two levels; the ego and the true self. Those who find the true self would be beyond this conversation so all the people left are those like you and me who identify themselves with their egos. Love does not exist to the ego, at least true Love doesn't. It can't because the essence of the ego is actually guilt. Somewhere along the way from being a baby to growing into a toddler, we've found something to be guilty of and therefore have found some way of dealing with that guilt. That way is the fabrication of the ego. From that point, as we have found more things to be guilty of, the more we have reinforced our egos to the point where our true selves are lost. It has even developed a systematic way to conjure up emotions in us; fear, anger hatred... most dangerous is this false illusion of love. It seems to be something it's not when in fact it is merely another scapegoat for our guilt. Name your reason for loving someone and usually it takes it's roots from one of our own feelings of inadequacy. It's just another repository for your guilt so you don't have to deal with it. Some less subtle examples would include dating someone because he makes you look good, or let's say you love someone who is everything you're not. "She's so kind, she's so caring. If I'm with her, she can be kind and caring to people for me". This is not to say true Love doesn't exist because it does. It encompasses all things. However, most of us are blind to it because of our egos.

Now, I can't really reply to those really good questions you've raised with any degree of authority. I would imagine though, that since true love is still present despite what illusions our egos project, mistaken lust for love and friendship for romance would be revealed if we learn to forgive each other and ourselves for whatever it is that we feel guilty of. If we can disband some of this guilt, along with it we also disband our egos. Therefore there is less ego to blind us from true Love. As per the prostitute issue, I feel I can't answer that question without offending people. I prostitute is indeed capable of true Love however, upon discovering it, that person will realize that selling his or her body is not necessary. That person will find another way to make ends meet.

I would not want you to hurt anyone's feelings.. good man for thinking of Aries like that.

I do resemble identifying myself with my ego.. I would think myself not to have much of an ego.. or is that esteem? Anyway, I know what you mean with the education you seem to have in this matter. I sounds to be a little psychology and philosophy mixed a bit if you ask me.. but either way.. all of this is logical opinions on how people work. If you know Frued, you must know Skinner and Rogers as well.. If you ask me all were correct to some point in the human psyche.. If I remember correctly one of these ideas had touch deeply on love. Is it not a learned product or something that is mimicked based on esteem and learning? How is EGO or guilt part of this logic?

And to get back onto open relationships.. where do you feel the ego of a person is when they prefer a open relationship? What guilts may make them feel they can not be worthy of someone more deeply?

And actually the prostitute thing is more of a comment on people who have multiple partners and don't get paid for it. Not that a prostitute would have the esteem to sell her body but why would someone do the same even with not getting paid. I see people with lots of partners sleep with more people than the "escorts" I know. And less safely. Would the esteem not be the same as the prostitute?

Open relathionships can be the worst, if you really want another person, not like this person make love with another, because it cans be better the sex with the other than you.

A big no. I'm a very jealous person

Sorry, new post