Why are you single?

ong i hit the wrong button on the laptop.. lol

oops

Also what I have realized about being single.. I feel in the end .. its not a choice of a woman to stop being single.. its the guy finally deciding this is the one and the one girl who also is ready for some kind of commitment being there at the time he decides.

I'm not really sure... My current girlfriend had some doubts when I was already sure I really wanted to be with her. She said she hadn't really gotten over her previous relationship and needed some time before she was ready to get involved. So, it was pretty much her decision to start this relationship. If she said "no", I'd have to accept it and just stay friends with her. So I guess - what you've said seems to work both ways.

^^ The only reason men have the control is that there are logically more women who want more than just sex and a friendship than there is men.

"the one girl who also is ready for some kind of commitment "

Women tend to be ready before a man but if they are hurt from this want.. they tend to not be ready for a while after knowing someone. But that is normal for anything when it comes to being cautious after feeling like you have been burned.

Haha... The opposite is true for me... except it's because I've been chopping girls who are like 6 to 8 years younger than me. That's self destruct right there.

But yeah... the more I think about it the more I realize it's because I really like being alone. I can pretty much do anything I need to get done one my own. Way more than the average person can figure out own on their own. Being in a relationship with someone means that I'll end up having to solve problems for two people instead of just one. It's not that I'm greedy or selfish, if I could give of myself, I usually do. It's just that, except for my parents and sister, I get so little from other people that I just don't have the time or resources to spare. If I need something I have to fight on my own to get it and that's why I can do most anything on my own. I also like to be left alone to my thoughts. I really like to think and having a naggy needy person always around talking about her own problems while not seeming to give a rat's ass about yours drives you nuts. I don't often feel the need to have someone to tell my problems to but for the very few times I do, no one really cares enough to even pretend to listen, offer some vague piece of advice, and remember what I was talking about.

So that's me in a nutshell. This is the personality that I've developed to cope with the way the world has been treating me. I'm just the guy that everyone expects too much from but no one wants to help out so I just withdraw from the world most of the time and solve my own problems.

So why am I single? Because I have enough problems on my own and I don't need anyone else's added on to that unless that other person can solve most of her own problems herself. We can help each other on the bigger ones.

Haha... The opposite is true for me... except it's because I've been chopping girls who are like 6 to 8 years younger than me. That's self destruct right there.

But yeah... the more I think about it the more I realize it's because I really like being alone. I can pretty much do anything I need to get done one my own. Way more than the average person can figure out own on their own. Being in a relationship with someone means that I'll end up having to solve problems for two people instead of just one. It's not that I'm greedy or selfish, if I could give of myself, I usually do. It's just that, except for my parents and sister, I get so little from other people that I just don't have the time or resources to spare. If I need something I have to fight on my own to get it and that's why I can do most anything on my own. I also like to be left alone to my thoughts. I really like to think and having a naggy needy person always around talking about her own problems while not seeming to give a rat's ass about yours drives you nuts. I don't often feel the need to have someone to tell my problems to but for the very few times I do, no one really cares enough to even pretend to listen, offer some vague piece of advice, and remember what I was talking about.

So that's me in a nutshell. This is the personality that I've developed to cope with the way the world has been treating me. I'm just the guy that everyone expects too much from but no one wants to help out so I just withdraw from the world most of the time and solve my own problems.

So why am I single? Because I have enough problems on my own and I don't need anyone else's added on to that unless that other person can solve most of her own problems herself. We can help each other on the bigger ones.

Haha... The opposite is true for me... except it's because I've been chopping girls who are like 6 to 8 years younger than me. That's self destruct right there.

But yeah... the more I think about it the more I realize it's because I really like being alone. I can pretty much do anything I need to get done one my own. Way more than the average person can figure out own on their own. Being in a relationship with someone means that I'll end up having to solve problems for two people instead of just one. It's not that I'm greedy or selfish, if I could give of myself, I usually do. It's just that, except for my parents and sister, I get so little from other people that I just don't have the time or resources to spare. If I need something I have to fight on my own to get it and that's why I can do most anything on my own. I also like to be left alone to my thoughts. I really like to think and having a naggy needy person always around talking about her own problems while not seeming to give a rat's ass about yours drives you nuts. I don't often feel the need to have someone to tell my problems to but for the very few times I do, no one really cares enough to even pretend to listen, offer some vague piece of advice, and remember what I was talking about.

So that's me in a nutshell. This is the personality that I've developed to cope with the way the world has been treating me. I'm just the guy that everyone expects too much from but no one wants to help out so I just withdraw from the world most of the time and solve my own problems.

So why am I single? Because I have enough problems on my own and I don't need anyone else's added on to that unless that other person can solve most of her own problems herself. We can help each other on the bigger ones.

Funny thing is, I hear the same thing from every guy who is having difficulty finding a GF...... Everybody is talking about their problems, like they are trying to end world hunger or find cure for cancer. What does relationship have to do with your problems? And what makes you think that the person in the relationship will expect you to solve their problems for them? Guess what, you will always have some sort of problems, and all others will have problems, and when you have kids, you will have to solve their problems for them, so if that is the real reason why you are single, you should stay single for the rest of your life. But then again, i think its just the easiest excuse to come up with so most people say that.

It sounds to me that you surround yourself with selfish people.. Do you think you are the nice guy by chance?

My life has been about giving to people and not expecting anything back in return. I was happy with that until some serious stuff hi. If you like to be single.. GOOD.. but I would suggest to have one close friend. Its cheaper and better than paying for therapy. :evil:

Do you think the disconnection from people in general has to do with the disconnection to themselves? I am talking about people in general.. it seems that the majority of people not only want to be single but they do not want to connect to anyone in general.. It could be just me but I was wondering what you think?

Funny thing is, I hear the same thing from every guy who is having difficulty finding a GF...... Everybody is talking about their problems, like they are trying to end world hunger or find cure for cancer. What does relationship have to do with your problems? And what makes you think that the person in the relationship will expect you to solve their problems for them? Guess what, you will always have some sort of problems, and all others will have problems, and when you have kids, you will have to solve their problems for them, so if that is the real reason why you are single, you should stay single for the rest of your life. But then again, i think its just the easiest excuse to come up with so most people say that.

I am not sure if I comprehended everything you said there.. but for some people their love life is like the issues with world hunger or cancer.. its something that sometimes there is no control for. Bad things can come from it as well as wonderful miracles sometimes. it depends on what kind of relationship you are talking about when it comes to why problems matter. If you are talking about someone you just and only sleep with. You don't see them or talk to them enough to have to share.. if its a casual friend.. perhaps you might share a few things if you can trust them enough.. but if you are talking about someone you might want to settle down with and have kids.. it would be wrong not to share your problems with each other and help each other. After all to make it work you have to give all of you to the other person and if you can't trust that .. it is not meant for that kind of relationship.

I know there are lots of excuses for being single.. it is the most convenient lifestyle in most cases. But thats the point. It is good to be happy with being single no matter the excuse. If you have excuses .. obviously you really aren't ready for a real deep relationship. And that may mean being single always .. or sometimes it may mean waiting until all the things that keep you single is no longer an excuse and meeting the right person.

Somewhere in there you mentioned hearing the same story as TOOB from guys having difficult finding a GF.. the difficulty most people have finding any spouse is finding one that actually fits them. Or never getting off the computer or video game or TV enough to be socail enough to even find one.. or not seeing what is important to find in a girl to find one more compatible instead of more gorgeous.. and please don't get me starting in who is waiting for who to talk to first.. I can not tell you how many people miss out because they are too shy or thought the other should bring it up first. I can not tell you how many really good relationships were missed because people just would not put themselves out there and can't be honest.

I was gonna respond to russ with some sarcastic comeback of how pathetic I am because I have to make excuses for being single but Az said something I agree with.

The problem is NOT finding a girlfriend. The problem is going crazy and being annoyed to death by the wrong person. Quite frankly, I don't really see the point in actively looking either. Either the universe has someone for you or it doesn't. Stressing over that fact is for losers. I also honestly enjoy my solitude. I know that may seem difficult for some people to grasp, especially the emotionally needy people out there but suck it up. Some people actually are programmed to fuction this way and as long as it's not extreme it's still healthy. Theres some people who sit on the outside longing to be inside but then theres people like me who are sitting on the outside because they enjoy the view.

For the record, that wasn't an excuse. That was genuine self reflection on trying to understand how I function, and then sharing it with complete strangers on the internet so they can barrate me for being screwed up because we know those people aren't screwed up themselves.

I sense a personal growth in TooBoku and in fact appreciate his decision to edit this once truly obnoxious topic (http://www.bellazon.com/main/index.php?showtopic=19670) presumably after sobering up. If I were a more noble man I would do the same with some of my old shit! A lot of my threads are like Hootie and the Blowfish, they were once really popular but that doesn't make them any less terrible!

Ok, I commented on your post because you said that you have too many problems and when you are in a relationship you will have to deal with other person's problems too. That is what I commented on. Now you guys are talking about finding the person that fits you. My post had nothing to do with that. I posted as a reply to TB saying that when he is in a relationship, he will be solving other person's problems. It had nothing to do with incompatibility or anything else. And I did not, by any means, suggest that you should go out there and look, or that you are screwed up in anyway.

I was gonna respond to russ with some sarcastic comeback of how pathetic I am because I have to make excuses for being single but Az said something I agree with.

The problem is NOT finding a girlfriend. The problem is going crazy and being annoyed to death by the wrong person. Quite frankly, I don't really see the point in actively looking either. Either the universe has someone for you or it doesn't. Stressing over that fact is for losers. I also honestly enjoy my solitude. I know that may seem difficult for some people to grasp, especially the emotionally needy people out there but suck it up. Some people actually are programmed to fuction this way and as long as it's not extreme it's still healthy. Theres some people who sit on the outside longing to be inside but then theres people like me who are sitting on the outside because they enjoy the view.

For the record, that wasn't an excuse. That was genuine self reflection on trying to understand how I function, and then sharing it with complete strangers on the internet so they can barrate me for being screwed up because we know those people aren't screwed up themselves.

I agree with toobs on almost all points he made. (Y)

I was gonna respond to russ with some sarcastic comeback of how pathetic I am because I have to make excuses for being single but Az said something I agree with.

The problem is NOT finding a girlfriend. The problem is going crazy and being annoyed to death by the wrong person. Quite frankly, I don't really see the point in actively looking either. Either the universe has someone for you or it doesn't. Stressing over that fact is for losers. I also honestly enjoy my solitude. I know that may seem difficult for some people to grasp, especially the emotionally needy people out there but suck it up. Some people actually are programmed to fuction this way and as long as it's not extreme it's still healthy. Theres some people who sit on the outside longing to be inside but then theres people like me who are sitting on the outside because they enjoy the view.

For the record, that wasn't an excuse. That was genuine self reflection on trying to understand how I function, and then sharing it with complete strangers on the internet so they can barrate me for being screwed up because we know those people aren't screwed up themselves.

The universe has the yin to your yang Toob. The point of finding a good yin is enjoying the outside to grow to become a good yang ready to settle down. And I am glad you have no trouble finding a girl... that means lots of friends.. BUT make sure they absolutely know what they are. It sucks when guys play women. Not that I have any experience with that..

I feel bad for you son...

Now suck it up and have some fun for the season.. LOL

Merry Christmas eve Red.

It's officially Xmas here (just past midnight) so Merry Xmas to you to azgirl

I'll try to have some fun

Hahaahahahaha!!! :laugh:

That's epic Ed!

For the record, that wasn't an excuse. That was genuine self reflection on trying to understand how I function, and then sharing it with complete strangers on the internet so they can barrate me for being screwed up because we know those people aren't screwed up themselves.

I know I'm screwed up Toobs! I wish I wouldn't tie my own happiness to the presence of "The Other" in my life, but alas, such is the way I am wired.