Can boy and girls be just friends?
153 replies · 10709 views
On 11/5/2017 at 1:40 PM, okyuki said:Tbh, no
haha I think someone gets it.
From the male POV/sexuality it relies on the woman's physical attractiveness and the quality (if any) of relationship the man is in... If she's ugly and unattractive, the friendship will work.
If she's pretty or average, it's never going to work 100%. Eventually the man will crack/tip over over time and there will be a "spontaneous incident".
Now from a woman's POV they want as many "male girlfriends" as they can handle...it's good to have male therapists, helpers, and boosts the self-esteem. Women are naturally social animals and need attention far more than men do.
The more ruthless ones use manipulation to sustain the "friendship" and tease the naive man just rope him in and use his resources (knowledge, time, $, entertaining personality, access, or other things of value etc.)
On 11/25/2017 at 9:28 AM, Eebee said:I think boys and girls can be friends. What can happen is that one or both are sensitive to love. Then a single touch can make the jump from friendship to love. A common event is a party where I'm not sure if it's good for a friendship couple to spend a lot of time by themselves. If friendship is off and they end up in a bedroom, then it's good to make the best of the situation with eye contact and direct touching. Make the best of any friendship.
What you say sounds like superficial play rather than anything that could potentially develop in a successful long term relationship. Ultimately such activity is not really meaningful.
If the woman doesn't see the man as a sexual object in a meaningful way, the man is usually toast and doomed to be slotted in the 'male girlfriend' zone for the bulk of their time together..
On 5/29/2008 at 5:37 PM, Steph_26 said:Hi,
I was thinking about this for a while now. I don't have any male friends. Whenever I get along great with a guy and spent a nice time with him I imagine we could have a friendship (not relationship). But boys never keep in touch with me. I don't understand it. I thought it's nice to talk and have a laugh, at least it is for me....
I was thinking about all the friends I have and not one of them has a friendship with a guy....Only if it's been her ex-boyfriend! Of course you have collegues you are getting along well with and sometimes you are going out in a group, but not a "friend". You know what I mean?
I wonder if this is normal? How are your experiences? Do you have (m)any male friends who haven't been your boyfriends before or aren't keen on getting your boyfriend anytime soon?
And how about you guys? Do you have any female friends? I am talking about a real friend. Someone you are calling to have a chat with or you are going out with (and it doesn't have to be in a group necessarily!) I am really interested in what you think.
Some people claim that men and women just can't be friends. But I don't want to believe it.
This was the intriguing OP.
I've personally only had pure friendships with women that I wasn't attracted to. My purist chat buddies throughout my life have been male. I've had many "impure" friendships with women that involved me passive-aggressively suppressing my attraction for her. In some instances, my desire for her came out after enough pressure and the friendship was toast soon after. So I strongly believe that as a man, the woman has be considered to be undesirable or offer some sort of desirable value to the man.
I personally suspect that most "friendships" between a man and woman to be impure, and the man is trying to repress himself while the woman often has disproportionate control over the agenda of the friendship as a consequence of 1. female needs 2. male attraction and the resulting supplication. Men and women have psychological and communication differences that make them want different things from a friendship. For instance, women have a deep need to chat endlessly about their feelings and relationships while masculine men have little desire to. Men communicate more direct as a rule and women communicate with more passive-aggressive indirectness and are frequently using lies of omission.
Ultimately, even if the vital attraction element is removed, the rest of the friendship needs to establish some sort of commonalities and acceptable boundaries/power relations. It's sad and I have seen many people burned by fooling themselves that they are "friends with these girls".
Let me think more on this one..
Does this mean that the people who have answered "no" on this question have never had a friend of the opposite sex? I find this strange.
3 hours ago, SympathysSilhouette said:Does this mean that the people who have answered "no" on this question have never had a friend of the opposite sex? I find this strange.
You can't deny that animal instinct to jump your friend's bones if you don't think they're ugly as shit!
5 hours ago, toodarnhot said:
You can't deny that animal instinct to jump your friend's bones if you don't think they're ugly as shit!
I have several female friends who aren't unattractive but whom I wouldn't romance. This is a bit of a weird way of seeing the world.
It seems to work from the assumption that every person develops a crush on every single half-way attractive person of the opposite sex (or whichever gender they are attracted to).
Obviously this isn't the case.
5 hours ago, SympathysSilhouette said:
I have several female friends who aren't unattractive but whom I wouldn't romance. This is a bit of a weird way of seeing the world.
It seems to work from the assumption that every person develops a crush on every single half-way attractive person of the opposite sex (or whichever gender they are attracted to).
Obviously this isn't the case.
You'd have sex with them though if there was no social cost to it? (while pretending for months, years that you don't)
Unless they are giving you value, you are wasting what's left of your life then.
Not really sure what you mean by giving me value? What value do male friends give me then, if sex is the only real value in such a transaction?
23 minutes ago, SympathysSilhouette said:Not really sure what you mean by giving me value? What value do male friends give me then, if sex is the only real value in such a transaction?
I can't define that for you. Male friends have a masculine sense of HONOR and give you real loyalty . That's a real friendship between men. Unless you are friends with the rare "hot" woman that has a masculine sense of honor, is loyal to you and will back you up when you need help? Why aren't you her boyfriend? She only gives this value to him. Good luck with that.
Life is valuable, don't be a chivalrous sucker and be another listening ear & entertaining clown for a woman who doesn't offer as much as what you get from your male friends. Plus you are spending months, years, pretending to not be attracted to them, and inflicting pain on yourself.
Spend your energy on better prospects.
Erm, I have been friends with women whilst I was in a relationship, so in that scenario, I wouldn't even have considered having sex with them even if the situation presented itself.
Being a friend doesn't mean being an emotional receptacle in either direction, so the kind of friendship you are describing would be unhealthy regardless of the gender of the friends.
28 minutes ago, SympathysSilhouette said:Erm, I have been friends with women whilst I was in a relationship, so in that scenario, I wouldn't even have considered having sex with them even if the situation presented itself.
Being a friend doesn't mean being an emotional receptacle in either direction, so the kind of friendship you are describing would be unhealthy regardless of the gender of the friends.
Wrong,
That's an acquaintance, not a real friend. You have acquaintances on social media and most of your contacts in the workplace, not friends.
Anyway, if you find yourself playing male therapist/listening ear/supportive shoulder/entertaining clown to your female "friend" or she just leeches value off of you by having you around, then you don't have a real friend at all.
I would think having sex with a friend of the opposite sex would make the friendship hard as fuck to remain friends afterwards. 
2 hours ago, Cult Icon said:
Wrong,
That's an acquaintance, not a real friend. You have acquaintances on social media and most of your contacts in the workplace, not friends.
Anyway, if you find yourself playing male therapist/listening ear/supportive shoulder/entertaining clown to your female "friend" or she just leeches value off of you by having you around, then you don't have a real friend at all.
You have a more narrow view of friendship than I do.
YES