The Jokes Thread Pinned
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Joker
I'm thinking nether regions here for some odd reason. Am I wrong?
Last week was my birthday
and I didn't feel very well
waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
' Happy Birthday.'
I thought..
Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids...
They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked o n my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me.'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'
We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'
I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner.'
After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm goi ng to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bed room and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ..
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
oh.mah.word.
my friend's mom posted that! ^^^ 
OMG! lol all round.
:rofl:
good one, azgirl
o.k, i got one
What do you call 2 cannibals having oral sex??
Trust
o.k, i got oneWhat do you call 2 cannibals having oral sex??
Trust
How do you improve the aerodynamics of a drummers car? Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
How do you improve the aerodynamics of a drummers car? Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
Drummer jokes always get this bass player laughing every time!
Speaking of which
WHAT DO YOU CALL AN INCOMPETENT INCOHERENT GUITARIST?
THE BASS PLAYER
FROM 101 uses for a Lead Vocalist: ROADIE
Drummer jokes always get this bass player laughing every time!Speaking of which
WHAT DO YOU CALL AN INCOMPETENT INCOHERENT GUITARIST?
THE BASS PLAYER
FROM 101 uses for a Lead Vocalist: ROADIE
Bus Trip to Branson, MO........
Gotta beware of those bus trips ! ! !
A senior citizens' group charters a bus from Burlington IA, to Branson MO. As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman comes
up to the driver and says, "I've just been molested!"
The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down.
A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested.
The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.
The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area. When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
"Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?" says the bus driver.
"I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I try to grab it, it runs away!!"
Bus Trip to Branson, MO........Gotta beware of those bus trips ! ! !
A senior citizens' group charters a bus from Burlington IA, to Branson MO. As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman comes
up to the driver and says, "I've just been molested!"
The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down.
A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested.
The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.
The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area. When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
"Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?" says the bus driver.
"I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I try to grab it, it runs away!!"
Bus Trip to Branson, MO........Gotta beware of those bus trips ! ! !
A senior citizens' group charters a bus from Burlington IA, to Branson MO. As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman comes
up to the driver and says, "I've just been molested!"
The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down.
A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested.
The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.
The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area. When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
"Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?" says the bus driver.
"I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I try to grab it, it runs away!!"
OH.MAH.WORD!!!
JESUS.TAQE.THE.WHEEL!!!
Three nuns die and end up at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter says that before they can enter, they must first each answer a question. To the first he asks " who were the first humans?" She says "Adam and Eve" and he lets her in. To the second he asks "where did they live?" She says "In the garden of Eden" and she too is admitted. Then he asks the third, "what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" She replies "My goodness that's a hard one" and he says 'Yes your right' and opens the gate once again.
I know this is corny but cute....
Mole Family
A papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole all live
together
in a little mole hole.
One day, papa mole sticks
his head out of the hole, sniffs the air
and said, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head
out of the hole,
sniffs the air and said,
"Oh, Yum! I smell honey!"
Now baby mole is trying
to stick his head
out of the hole to sniff the air,
but can't
because the bigger moles
are in the way.
This makes him whine,
"Geez, all I can smell is....
MOLASSES!"
How do you know that your girlfriend is too young?
When you have to make cute airplane noises, just to get your dick in her mouth. 
How do you know that your girlfriend is too young?When you have to make cute airplane noises, just to get your dick in her mouth.