The Jokes Thread Pinned

a favor, can u try to find customer service kinda phone calls?

funny

LOVED IT, thanks hahaha... Gotta save it lol

that is so mean!

Okay let me add some jokes hope you understand and like it..

Okay this is the 1st joke what I got from my friend who send this through MSN

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Dear Agony Aunt

Dear Editor,

I have two brothers, one works at Microsoft, the other was sentenced to death in the gas chamber.

My mother died of insanity when I was three years old, my two sisters are prostitutes and my father sells drugs.

Recently, I met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death.

I love this girl very much and want to marry her.

My problem is this:

Shall I tell her about my brother who works at Microsoft?

Sincerely,

Larry

The Less You Know, The More You Make

"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.

2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:

Power = Work / Time

Since:

Knowledge = Power

Time = Money

It follows that:

Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:

Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:

The less you know,the more you make.

Is Windows a Virus

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.

Dear Ann Landers,

I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy.

My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to an Australian.

My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana, distribution of Cocaine, as well as Heroin.

They are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland.

I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non parole life sentence in Mt. Eden Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being

held in the Wellington remand center on charges of incest with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a

part time "working girl" in a Brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD.

We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancee utilizing her knowledge of the industry working as the Madam.

I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute

themselves, at least it would get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.

So, how should I tell her about my brother-in-law being employed by Microsoft?

Buy a Mac

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.

I was against it and an argument started.

I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.

He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."

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Computer Acronyms

PCMCIA

People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN

It Still Does Nothing

APPLE

Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI

System Can't See It

DOS

Defective Operating System

BASICBill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM

I Blame Microsoft

DEC

Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM

Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2

Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW

World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH

Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM

Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL

Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA

A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP

Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS

Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS

Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

GIRO

Garbage In Rubbish Out

MICROSOFT

Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

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Half The Job

"This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you."

Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine, I'll take two."

Heaven And Hell

In Heaven:

The cooks are French,

The policemen are English,

The mechanics are German,

The lovers are Italian,

The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:

The cooks are English,

The policemen are German,

The mechanics are French,

The lovers are Swiss,

The bankers are Italian.

In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,

The design and construction is done by Apple,

The marketing is done by Microsoft,

IBM provides the support,

Gateway determines the pricing.

In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,

Microsoft does design and construction,

IBM handles the marketing,

The support is from Gateway,

Intel sets the price.

Thats all Hope you like it. Its not created by me I just found this from my cousin. Its computer related jokes. Hope you like my 1st attempt Good Bye God bless you

Yes same here dude I also not understand that. And about the upper stuff , its really very good . Not bad man keep it up. Its make me to laugh laudly whoops

LooooooooooL really Nice hahaahhaha I don't know where you get these kinds of jokes. Oh man really its change my mood and I'm laughing right now. Keep posting more new jokes

Yes very funny they are. Look like that girl love her husband so much. I find lots of funny things inside that latter. the upper one is also too good. I also share some of them already in forum. Go and read it too and give me comment after that

Look what I found today:

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, and 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

:|

hahahhahahaaa nice XD

At the time that this article was written it was a serious article.. but come on people you have to see the humor now..

I received this in an email and I almost peed myself thinking about sitting at a table years from now..

After 50 years of marriage a couple was sitting at the breakfast table when the husband said, "Do you remember 50 years ago when we used to sit naked at the breakfast table?"

The wife said, "Yes.. I remember, why don't we rekindle the memories and do it again?"

The husband agreed and they took off their clothes and sat to eat their breakfast. In amazement the wife said, " WOW, I can't believe after all these years my nipples are still hot for you."

The husband responded, "Yeah I can understand how, one is in your oatmeal and one is in your coffee."