PinkCouture

My parents and grandparents are off doing their own thing, and I don't speak much with them. I never had too much in common with them and our relationship was always cold. I never liked the food, entertainment, trips, or conversation they liked. Mom is 'okay', but very boring to talk to, and Dad is just difficult. Growing up.....very little 'real', non-duty oriented love was conferred. But they were highly responsible and I was lucky to have them. I left home @ 18 to go to college with a bundle of money and never went back. Both my parents are enjoying themselves now, and have a successful marriage, which is fine.

I think there are always some possitive things to highlight - one needs to remember that :yes.

Thank you, glad you like it

Oh my - toxic is exactly the word I was searching for absolutely agree. Although I love my family (my parents really did everything for me) I try to stay away from them as much as I can - so the meetings get more precious and we don´t have time to argue when we see each other only occasionaly Also, my family is a circus, we really are everything but a "normal" family. My parents are separated, now divorcing, my father has a child with another woman, and that´s just a bit of it all. I visit both of my parents and love them still, but I decided to focus on my own life more. They are both adult, so they are the one to deal with it all, it´s not my business.

When I was younger and all the circus started, it was really hard to realize my parents are not perfect super humans I took them for. Once I realized it everything was much easier and our relationship got actually better - more open and adult. But I always try to remember all the good things they did for me.

Freud has an interesting and (for me) true view on families - that those are actually our parents and siblings who cause all our neurosis and misconceptions in our lives they are also those who can cure them. But that is natural, because for the young child, family means everything.

As children we view our parents as super humans who knew everything and could handle anything. As we grow older we gain a better understanding of the world and are able to comprehend more information, we often realize are parents are not as extraordinary as we thought they were. They went from being super humans to just humans (and in extreme cases, less than that )

I am not saying I don't love my family b/c deep down I do. Sometimes it is hard to feel or express love for them when they consistently do and say hurtful things. Many of them have major unsolved issues. I think partially they don't know how to handle their issues so they let it fester. I also think they are in denial b/c they don't want to be perceived as weak nor do they want to feel weak.

I am not a fan of Freud but I do agree with him. Our first teachers are our family members and relatives. They are also the first people we have interpersonal relationships with. They are the foundation on how we perceive and approach the world. Some people are naturally resilient so even if they come from a dysfunctional family they are still able to do alright in life. A mix of nature and nurture

I think there are always some possitive things to highlight - one needs to remember that :yes.

You take the good with the bad. It all balances out somehow in the end (Y)

My parents and grandparents are off doing their own thing, and I don't speak much with them. I never had too much in common with them and our relationship was always cold. I never liked the food, entertainment, trips, or conversation they liked. Mom is 'okay', but very boring to talk to, and Dad is just difficult. Growing up.....very little 'real', non-duty oriented love was conferred. But they were highly responsible and I was lucky to have them. I left home @ 18 to go to college with a bundle of money and never went back. Both my parents are enjoying themselves now, and have a successful marriage, which is fine.

It such a stigma when people don't get along with their family I think it is ok if someone has little in common with their family members. It is what it is

I cannot deny my parents have done great things for me. However it doesn't make up for all the shitty things they have also done. Like I said, they have issues and it affects how they behave.

I am glad your folks have a successful marriage and are enjoying themselves. So rare nowadays

^

I get along with my parents, but it's almost impossible for me to 'have fun' with them when I visit. It's not really so much of a dislike but more of an ambivalence. ......Unlike many marriages where the raison d'etre becomes all about the kids (my uncle's marriage was like that, w/ three kids), my parent's marriage was so successful that they spent too much of their time on each other, and not really enough on me. I grew up feeling like I was more like an 'accessory' rather than a son.

An obvious example: I think the most 'painful' childhood experience that I had to deal with was their insistence that I spend absurdly large amounts of training time- over a decade- w/ the Violin in order to satisfy mom's prestige- I saw it as a useless activity that accrued little benefit to me and most of the benefit it to her. Naturally, childhood resentment & movement towards individualism & freedom built up over the years...

My parents' lacking was not so much in the form of instructional guidance and other support but more in the form of emotional connection. There was very little of this (for instance, my father was an emotional nonentity, talked w/ me little outside of a few subjects) growing up for me.

^ Oh I was just making a general point that it is a stigma if someone does have overall positive feelings about their family. It is worse if it is about your mother

Do you have any siblings?

Unfortunately not everybody knows how to connect with children or people ;/ It doesn't necessary mean they are bad people. Sometimes it is b/c they have never learned that skill in life and sometimes they naturally don't have it in them. There are numerous reasons. From what I gathered from you, it did seem like your foilks did their best. It might not be perfect and it has affected you. However you seem like a someone who is overall intelligent and well-functioning adult

No, I didn't have siblings, did you?

Why do you think that it's worse if it's the mother rather than the father? Many people- regardless of gender- dislike their fathers growing up. It's less often the mother that gets flak, because women tend to be more involved and more caring.

It is indeed a disappointment for me that my parents don't appreciate me much.... no matter how good I am. I mean, even now, they're still off doing their thing together, and there's little room left for anything else. Eh, so be it, nothing's perfect, and perfection belongs in the fantasy world...

^ Yes, I have a younger sister.

Similar to what you said, a lot of people have this idea and assumption that moms are caring, involved, loving, can do no wrong and everything nice. When someone dislikes their mom others sometimes get confused and they think there is something wrong with that person. It is a contradiction of the assumption---similar to cognitive dissonance expect it involves one person's belief regarding someone else's behavior & point of view.

As they say, there is perfection in imperfection. Perfect is boring anyways

^

Turmoil builds character! And all that jazz....LOL. How I despise this piece of 'conventional wisdom'. LOL.

^ To each his/her own (Y)

Pink, I was just making fun of that protestant notion. There is in fact, far too much turmoil in the world but not enough good judgement....

^ I agree there is far too much turmoil in the world but not enough good judgement. At the same time some "solutions" are easier said than done. Also sometimes people's ulterior motives get in the way of making the best decisions. Even that is relative and/or subjective *sigh*

Thank you for recognising my pain regarding recent affairs of the heart!

At least someone noted the effect it might have...

^ There, there

If she was dating someone even somewhat awesome I would be ok with it. But HIM...really!? He is a douchebag tool. I would think all these models would have learned something from Anne V.'s mistake. Apparently not and history will bound to repeat itself. It took Anne V. 2 years to come to her senses---I hope it will take Behati less time than that

oh wow, Adam Levine took Baron's woman! :atoobie:

Ughhh agreed pink. I mean one thing if you date supermodels......its just the way he conducts himself. Very ungentlmen like and obnoxious in every interview hes in......I am sorry but he just screams douche.

Ughhh agreed pink. I mean one thing if you date supermodels......its just the way he conducts himself. Very ungentlmen like and obnoxious in every interview hes in......I am sorry but he just screams douche.

Well, he does have Adult ADHD, LOL.

http://img546.images...damprintpsa.jpg

Posted Edited. [images of] skeezy douchebag tools are not welcome in my thread! ~PC

^Ohhh so thats why he constantly acts like a douche??? lollll Well hes got a great excuse for it then ()

^

Oh Lindsay, mentally demented people always have excuses.....

^ I agree there is far too much turmoil in the world but not enough good judgement. At the same time some "solutions" are easier said than done. Also sometimes people's ulterior motives get in the way of making the best decisions. Even that is relative and/or subjective *sigh*

Aww, , it's a big bad world out there.....help, we're drowning in a sea of complexity!