General Discussion Older

I know I'm not liked thats very obvious. No I didnt create this website, Spark did, I had helped him on another website and we were both toying with the notion of making a forum as well. He did all the work and put me in as an admin. I was never told there was going to be promotions to admin state when we made it, Spark never told me neither did Maddog. We had made an exception when Ronin was made an admin because he knows IPB and even though Spark was gone he had emailed me and said to make Ronin an admin. I for one dont like the fact that you keep saying I'm letting Chloee back in because I dont speak to her. Yes she was an admin here but Spark did that, not me. I let her back once after she was banned with her hundreds of proxies with her real IP, I figured that way we could keep an eye on her and for a fact know its her. I had let Adrifan back because she was confused at the time and swore out lullaby without knowing the whole story and that drama. I finally had explained to her the whole drama but it was too late and I felt sorry for her. I have never intended to harm anyone but it seems like I constantly do. I rarely speak now a days in the staff area because I find it pointless because it seems like my opinion doesnt mean much so whats the point for me to speak. If I dont like something and I speak my mind I will only get ranted at so I dont speak at all. As I said lastnight about when Avada was made an Admin and to be totally honest and I dont want to disrespect, I seriously thought Capt really made her an Admin, I didnt realize it was me...I very well might have been drunk that day and I dont remember what I did, and I'm totally being honest. As for Jimmy being an Admin the whole staff didnt discuss it but Maddog had said give him access to the admin panel because he knows what he's doing and I didnt need help at the time and Jimmy had offered it I believe we were having some issue and Maddog was busy so he couldnt handle it so Jimmy did instead. Nicole had said why dont we give him offical status and I went and did it. Maddog backs me up well because he had gone to Spark and gave him the offer of hosting us and Spark said its not just my choice its Neo's choice as well. No this website isnt mine, its Maddog's website, Spark and I let Maddog host us and he bought the domain Bellazon. Few months ago when there was that quarrel in the BZNTM between Tori and OS and then it carried over in that thread when Tori got out of the competition, I went an warned SS but I had to ask Capt if I could warn him for instigated another fight because I didnt want to get yelled at in the staff area for warning SS. Taben even made a comment, Oh Neo you only come to moderate when its one of your friends right? I wasnt even in those threads, Tori had PM'ed me and said you should read this thread and something should be done, I even forwarded the PM's to Capt and asked if we should warn. To be completely honest I dont say much is because I fear all of you guys so I dont say anything at all, I just post when I have a scan and I talk in my thread. I'm not trying to defend myself, I'm just explaining my actions. For another admin, I honestly dont think we need another admin whether it be Nicole or anyone else, I said that yesterday as well in the chat. I just have to ask since when has bellazon because apart of life, the fact that its just a website and we are quarreling is boggling my mind. If you guys want me to leave thats fine, at this point it really doesnt make a difference to me. Thats all I gotta say

Well you know, I could write a long response to this. I could waste my energy refuting many of the explanations you've given but there's no point. By making excuses, or as you like to call it "explaining your actions," all you do is prove what we already knew - that you cannot take responsibility for your actions.

You never intended to harm anyone? If that's the case then you truly have absolutely NO grasp on the basic concept that your actions have consequences. You're like a child. It's sad. I almost feel sorry for you.

But then I remember you're a liar and would throw anyone under the bus so you don't have to be held accountable for your actions, and my pity diminishes.

Dude, I am way too tired to try and explain what you do, if you can't see it yourself. But I am going to attempt it anyways, against my better judgement.

Suffice it to say this much, you aggravate the shit out of people, so bad that it comes to things like this, and it would do you some good, for you to somehow realize this fact. I haven't the slightest clue how you are going to do that, because telling you straight up like this doesn't seem to do any good.

Yes, people do not like you, and it's not those people that are the problem, it's the way you act, and the things you do to make them dislike you.

When you are trying to defend yourself, or trying to explain to us your actions, it needs to address the point a little bit more, and not stray so far out of bounds. When I talked about you letting Isabella back in, you focus on the single act. When I say it, it is assumed that it is part of a larger problem which you have of completely being unaccountable for the things that you do. You need to realize, I can't list every single thing you have done, firstly because they haven't all been told to me, and secondly it would just take too damn long to list. Yes, Isabella was brought in by Spark, because of the situation with her making her own forum, and again that has nothing to do with the things people are disliking you for, and why people are aggravated with you. The fact remains that in typical fashion, you did make that mistake with her, part of a larger repetoire of problems you have been involved in.

No one cares who was here first, I simply brought up the fact that I have been here as long as you, because maddog seems incapable of grasping the idea that it makes no sense to protect you because you've been here the longest. When you are arguing points with someone, the main idea is to show what they say to be faulted in some way, and this above goes to that effect.

Can you honestly tell me that I have ever been anything but fair when it comes to making decisions? What makes you two think that I wouldn't give your situation the same respect if it came down to making decisions about it? I cannot tell you how the other staff will react, they're not me, but I know that they seem more moderate and open enough, not to make the same mistakes that you two are making. Any other member on this board up to and including this staff, minus you two, would have been held accountable had we done what you have done. Why is it that you two believe you need not answer to us, if we have to answer to you in the same situations?

What I am telling you here is this, you and maddog are wrong, and the sooner you admit to that, and the sooner he realizes that the better off everyone will be. Every single person who has spoken up, has agreed to that.

The fact that no one puts any weight to your opinion, is directly attributable to the way you handle everything else. I mean what have we been discussing here, one of the things is your habit of doing things without consulting anyone at all. I'll tell you what, after having to deal with you doing that multiple times, why would I wan't your opinion on something? Regardless of that there have been plenty of times when you give input and have received adequate feedback. Just the other day you thought that Obsessed could quite possibly be Isabella, I agreed with you that she's worth keeping an eye on.

If you don't like something and you speak your mind about it you will get ranted on is what you said. Now take a look at what you have done in the past, and then read that sentence again. Is it any wonder why people don't like agreeing with you? No, someone who is going to try and undermine someone else the first chance that they get, noone is going to like discussing anything with you. Why would you say, If Nicole becomes an Admin that would be the day you're not one? Because you're biased, another reason why people wouldn't want to put any weight to your opinion. It does us no good to consider what you have to say if it's fueled by your grudge with someone else.

Don't make excuses when you are trying to explain yourself, telling me you think you may have been drunk on a random day 5 months ago, is lame. Own up to it, especially when someone gives you concrete proof that you did it, and don't try and pawn it off on someone else, it's about being an adult in a situation like that, and it comes naturally to most people as they grow older and become more experienced with the way the world works. Half the problems people have with you are directly caused be your tendency to do this exact thing.

The bit about you asking me if it was ok to warn those people about the thing in BZNTM, well, had you not done these other things which you are prone to doing, no one would be questioning you in the first place, thus you never would have had to contact me to ask for my opinion. You would have been able to discuss it in here, without fear of being ridiculed. It all goes back to the way you have presented yourself to us man. That's why people treat you the way that they do, looking at what you have done in the past, how you could you expect anything less from anyone?

No one is disputing the fact that maddog makes this place possible for us, what is being discussed is the fact that he is being unfair in protecting you for things you should know better than to do, and it's frustrating, that you sit back and enjoy this saftey while anyone else has to tip toe around the issues with you. It's not fair.

Maddog automatically assumes that if allowed we would ban you, and I'm not saying that if we all discussed it, that that might not be a possibility. What I am saying is simply that you should be held to the same standards as the rest of us would be in similar situations, and you know that's right regardless of what maddog wants to think, or regardless of your history on this board.

You have limited yourself to these actions, posting your scans, and reading your thread, because of what you have brought on yourself. Again had you never backed yourself into a corner with so many people it would never have turned out this way.

Your contructive input about why or why we don't need another admin, would have been more contructive had you not been making the decision based on your current bias towards Nicole. Even if you insist that you are being unbiased, your other actions tell everyone otherwise.

Since when has Bellazon become a part of life is what you said right? Well that's the kicker right there, this is the internet, why do you act the way you do, to try and protect yourself from trouble you apparently can't get into? Why do you mislead people instead of putting the truth out there? Why do you take things into your own hands knowing what the reaction is going to be? That's why it's so frustrating, your putting this much into weaseling out of things, and it's just the internet, and while we're here we have to share it with you, and sometimes it can become a bit tedious.

We all understand that Neo isn't the best at diffusing a hostile situation toward himself, we've known this, but let's consider what has changed in the past few months. You're right Cap, he grugingly seeks approval for warning peeps and has been bringing things up in Area 51. This is actually a step in the right direction from what we had months back. Keep in mind that Marduk isn't the only one with a grudge here, so let's try to look at this honestly.

We can't expect someone to be able to change their personality on a dime, nor their ability to communicate. So if we want to be an adult we have to "meet them where they are" so to speak, and consider changes in them based on comparison to their own actions, not our set of standards which in this case are obviously too high right now. My point is, can we not see that Marduk is trying to adapt, even though we are not getting the satisfaction of written acknowledgement of accountability, maybe we can take some comfort in the fact that his recent actions are showing effort to change? Maybe I'm wrong here, as I don't see everything of course, but I just wanted to bring up a thought I had.

One more thing, considering the current situation, is that sig really neccessary, Nicole? I enjoy the dark side as much as anyone, as you know, but that just seems a bit too direct. Am I wrong?

Yeah you are wrong. My sig's been there for a couple of days now, before the little blowout here, so I see no reason I should remove it.

And to address the rest of your post, I disagree. I don't believe his recent actions have indicated a change at all. His last post - yeah the one Mike tore apart - shows no real remorse over his actions. Um did you see an apology in there? Forget about the total lack of understanding of what Mike's point was, there isn't even a semblance of an apology in there. Another recent situation - the comment he made to Taha, that he would leave if I became admin, also suggests to me that he's still playing by his own set of "things have to go my way" rules. I KNOW of his recent behavior. All too well. And I still see the same 'point the blame on someone else' game.

And you know what I really hate about this whole situation - that mine and Mike's refusal to put up with this bullshit makes us look like the bad guys, like we're completely uncompromising. But from my own perspective, I see nothing there to compromise with. He's been giving a ton of chances, and he has repeated the same mistakes again and again. And it's not JUST the mistakes he makes. We have all screwed up here at some point here. But most of us don't point the finger at other people or things when we're caught. And until he learns to stop doing that, we're never going to make any progress here. I don't think asking for that little bit is too much. I don't think expecting an apology is asking for too much. He hasn't changed and he's not trying to adapt. And I think there's plenty of evidence of that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll just be over here moderating.

Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm trying too hard to find a solution that isn't as drastic as what I see coming. So now it seems only 3 things can happen.

1. Marduk comes clean in a manner that shows real regret and focus on going forth with integrity.

2. A major change in staff.

3. Nothing changes and people stew in their anger and dissatisfaction.

What else do we have?

okay, a 4th thing...we do a Men in Black flashy thing and start over.

I would like to apologize, I know I have made mistakes in the past and I'm sorry for doing that. I'm sorry for pointing fingers at any other staff member when it was my fault. We need move on and get past this but I do need to ask a few things if you guys dont mind me asking. What are the repeated mistakes, I just want to know, I have a tendency of doing things and not knowing and I just want to know for my own knowledge please. I have tried my best to not make any mistakes these past few months and if I have I'd like to apologize for those mistakes as well. I know I havent been helping recently and I havent really voiced my opinion recently because of a fear of being ganged up on. I had to say this but from now on I will give it my "A" game. You guys have dealt in the past with me and have put up with my antics, it was me being stubborn and selfish thinking you guys dont want to work with me and you guys probably dont but you guys have put up with me so you guys want to work with me its just I didnt want to work with you guys and I didnt put much of an effort. I want to work with you guys if its still possible, I'll devote my attention 100% when I'm here, I havent been admining like the rest of the admins but I really want to. I'm really sorry for all of this.

Um... No, if you need them pointed out, I won't be the one to do it for you, sorry man, but showing you your mistakes hasn't helped you figure it out this far, I don't know what telling you any of them over again is going to do.

I officially killed off that little part of me tonight that kept me needing this board so I would have something to do all the time. Meaning, in spite of what I mentioned before about not leaving because I intended to put all of this in maddog's face everyday, I changed my mind, and could care less if anyone thinks worse of me for it. I realized I don't really need any of this anymore, especially dealing with fuckwits everytime I come in here.

So, this is me stepping the fuck away from this staff. Maddog, you're a fucking prick, never thought I would say that because everyone usually seems to like you, but apparently they don't see your complete ignorance as I do.

Neo, seek help if you can't figure yourself out.

Everyone else, well I'm not leaving permanently, I'll probably still be here everyday, just won't be dealing with this shit. Have fun. (Y)

I'm out too. So someone can remove me from the staff, or I'll do it myself if no one can be bothered.

Well,

I had started to respond to Marduk's post yesterday but stopped because I could not figure out a thing to say that could possibly get my meaning across. Because as Mike says, if you need them pointed out to you then there's very little any of us can do for you. Aside from the fact that your mistakes have already been laid out before you many times by different people, that you can't recognize them in yourself is perhaps the most disturbing of all.

I think it's sickening that one of the few staff members who has always provided a well-thought out opinion on matters no longer feels comfortable here, and that's putting it mildly. Mike was the best admin here. Period. And thanks to two shitheads, he's leaving.

Well guess what? You just lost me too. Cause I really don't see the point of being on staff without Mike. I'm done. Have fun finding another mod.

Kept my Admin status just long enough to see that happen.

I'll devote my attention 100% when I'm here, I havent been admining like the rest of the admins but I really want to.

*taps*

How about you practice what you preach for once and remove my mod status? Thanks.

fuck

Yeah, I'm out too. Whoever sees this first, remove me. I'd say its been fun but then I'd be lying.

I knew this was one of the possible outcomes but NOT the one that I wished would happen. Shit. This just ain't right.

This sucks but I knew this was coming.

I guess I should have known...

Well, as I see it, if we are going to maintain smooth operation around here, we have to do one (or more) of three things...

1. Work on trying to get the others back in. I don't see this as possible seeing as the hostility factor is just so high.

2. Step up and pick up the major amount of slack.

3. Start to think about getting some new mods in place right away.

I hate to start talking about this now, but quite frankly with 4 staff leaving, there is a big big hole...especially with the amount of moderating that OS did.

Your thoughts?

yea definately

and the only way that i can see her coming back in at all is if mike comes back in

but i dont see that happening until marduk steps down

which isnt going to happen anymore

so we need mods

i'll pick up the slack on admin for a bit

I wasnt expecting this seriously i wasnt. I guess we need new mods. I had three in mind, tell me if they are ok with you guys.

AnaBB Cover - She has been here a very long time, since day one and she knows our system and rules very well and she was a long time member at chilax.

Persuazn - Another long time member and she knows the rules very good, I think she would make a good moderator

PinkCouture - She hasnt been here that long but I think she would be a good moderator, and she PM'ed me this morning but I got the PM right now because I was at work all day, she said I noticed most of your staff is gone, if you guys would like I can be a moderator.

this arrangement will give us around the clock moderating as well seeing that one is in the U.S, one is in South America and one is in Australia, on top of Impel, Qball and Valmount.

I'll moderate as much as I can for the time being

Those are excellent choices, especially Persuazn.