TheBaronOfFratton

I think I have heard that story before - or at least a variation of it. I have always loved it for some reason

^What - you doubt the authenticity of my story?

It's an Urban Legend here - and I guess they have similar stories all over the world. It's always happened to a friend-of-a-friend...

But I was along that road to the coast a couple of days ago and it got me thinking about that old story. And I couldn't sleep last night so, well, forgive the indulgence! I'm never sure what you're supposed to do on these threads - save reply when someone says hello... I figured I could use it for any such ramblings when the mood took me. I hope that's OK?

ive never heard that story before...

and you put it into your own words beautifully...

dude, its your thread... you can do whatever you wanttttt lol

and i think that stories and poems would find a welcome home in Hotel Pandemonium

Yeah Baron, please post whatever you want!

I'd love to come in here and read more of your stories or musings

Well I do like a good yarn.

And yes, I suppose it is my damn hotel - I can do what I want! :evil:

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Within reason...

whats the meaning of that, brother?

u get a warning??

i have to share with the Fratton Tribe a beautiful moment.

my dad is visiting.. and made pecan pie

now ive never had warm fresh pecan pie before

this was the most profund culinary experiene ive ever had

i mean i wanted to invite everyone to the melty, caramel-ly--nutty-pastry-flakey

party in my mouth

i mean, damn... i need a cigarette

im off to have some alone time with a piece of pie :brows:

g'night fratton tribe

<33333333333

whats the meaning of that, brother?

u get a warning??

^No - Just need to reign myself in from time to time..!

I adore pecan pie. And it does come best from the USA. I heard you got a special Obama flavour Ben & Jerry's too - "Yes Pe-can"(groan). I can't tell you how annoyed I am that I won't be able to get any... And you get that Cinnamon Bun flavour, and Willie Nelson's Peach Cobbler.

Oh, Princess Blue Moon - that Fratton Tribe used to wander the lands of Wessex in old Albion. A swarthy bunch, keen on drink and long-legged women...

yes pe-can OMFGLOLOLOLOL

willie nelson peach cobbler must taste FREAKING AWESOME!!!!

i mean... the best recipies come from stoners

have you ever heard the country song 'ill never smoke weed with willie again'??

classic, mate

lyrics

I always heard that his herb was top shelf

I just could not wait to find out for myself

Don't knock it til' you tried it, Well I tried it my friend

And I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

I learned a hard lesson in a small Texas town

He fired up a fat boy and passed him around

The last words that I spoke before they tucked me in

Was I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

My parties all over before it begins

You can pour me some old whiskey river my friend

But I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

I hopped on his old bus, the Honey Suckle Rose

The party was Vegas it was after the show.

Alone in the front lounge with just me and him,

With one parting puff grim creeper set in.

I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

My parties all over before it begins

You can pour me some old whiskey river my friend

But I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

Now we're passing the guitar and telling good jokes

I know ones a-comin' cause I'm smelling smoke

No I do not partake, I just let it pass by

With a smile on my face and a great contact high

I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

My parties all over before it begins

You can pour me some old whiskey river my friend

But I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

In the fetal position with drool on my chin

I messed up and smoked weed with Willie again

:rofl:

^Well, that happens to be exactly my plans for tomorrow..!

Don't know if Willie will be there though.

At this time of year the good people of Bs.As decamp to the coast because the city is just too damn hot. Mar del Plata is the place to be...

I'm off 'sailing' ( :atoobie: ) tomorrow, which is just an excuse to go out and enjoy the elements. Some people have gone as far to to say we're 'fishing' () - but nobody's fooled.

Me, I'm not normally keen on strenuous exercise at sea... Unless this is the crew:

But I reckon that's probably just clutching at straws!

My attitude to sailing tends to be slightly more avant-garde...

^Thank you Joe - we have returned, safe, from that cruel mistress The Sea...

Going back out tomorrow though. We have the wanderlust in our hearts and the courage of the Vikings! YAR! We splice the mainbrace, batten down the hatches, shiver them there timbers and see how far we can go... I hope to regale you with tales from the end of the universe.

Probably on Friday! <_<

glad you had fun living out your pirate fantasies :p

and you get a zillion points for the 'one flew over the cuckoos nest' pic

that brings your tally up to.... 1,300,279,457,079 points

cant wait to be regaled 'prolly on fri'

Hello luv..

I have been quite busy as of late and have been missing you guys quite a bit..

and I hope to talk soon.. there is so much to catch up on.. hehehe

Hello luv..

I have been quite busy as of late and have been missing you guys quite a bit..

and I hope to talk soon.. there is so much to catch up on.. hehehe

^My dear I have so missed your correspondence. Please come back again soon.

glad you had fun living out your pirate fantasies :p

and you get a zillion points for the 'one flew over the cuckoos nest' pic

that brings your tally up to.... 1,300,279,457,079 points

cant wait to be regaled 'prolly on fri'

I think you've miscounted. I'm pretty sure I was up to 1,300,279,457,089 - Tsh, honestly... <_<

And the pirates out here - they aint so bad:

So, sit thee back landlubbers - the Baron has been out on the beautiful briny, shimmery shiny sea. And what tales I have to tell thee...

We set out on a ship made of sea. It was an interesting choice to be sure. A little wet, needed sea-legs... But it made a nice silhouette - for me it is all about the aesthetics:

We'd heard about a monster attacking a nearby port, and vowed to go to their aid. Mainly I just wanted to impress Lais Navarro who I'd managed to coerce onto my boat:

Well, she did look so cute in her sailor's hat .

So we set out, and whom should I see but bloody Jamie Strachan - and he's only lording it about on boat made of wood (how boringly conventional!) and wooing Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

"Isn't it enough that you've got Behati?" I asked. "Now you're just showing off."

He flicked me the V's, and rowed off laughing. I vowed one day I would have my revenge - but for now time was of the essence. There were monsters to vanquish!

Frankly, the mermaids were disappointing. I'd heard tale of their beauty, I know it's in the eye of the beholder and all that - but really:

For many a moon we sailed into the vast ocean. I suppose one of us should have known where we were going. But, oh, what sights we saw. What strange creatures we caught in our nets as we fished for food:

Frankly, they were all too disgusting to entertain and we threw them back into the abyss. I'd stocked up on malbec wine, chorizo, and Krispy Kreme donuts anyway.

We were about to enter dangerous terrain, we shivered our collective timbers...

(TBC)

Yes - flying shark territory. As you must surely agree - a dangerous place to be. I asked our Bosun', Quint about sharks - he said this to me:

Sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces.

But then that Quint doesn't half go on. I wonder why I bother asking him about sharks...

Anyway - one leapt out at us. Flew right across the ship. We panicked. "Splice the mainbrace!" I shouted, "Hard a-port! All hands on deck! Hoist the mainsail! Walk the plank! Pieces of eight!" DAMN IT, I cursed to myself - I wished all I knew about sailing wasn't just learnt from Pirate films...

Then one got Roger the Cabin Boy. Mind you, served him right for wearing such bad shorts:

We tacked starboard, or something, the wind behind us - but one was still on our tail... I saw it leap - but thankfully the wind took it, and it overshot it's mark... Quite drastically as it happened:

PHEW! Out of their territory. It was plain sailing for a while. Doldrums and all that. Just the occasional crap mermaids 'courting' on tiny islands scattered about:

It was a bit dull. But then! The ROAR of the waves as we drifted to THE END OF THE WORLD. Clearly we'd gone too far, the intention was only to pop to the next port and kill a sea-monster. But here we were in serious danger. Ahead of us we saw ships fall off the edge into oblivion:

But, thankfully, Lais had dropped anchor and we were spared. I knew I'd got her on board for more than just her pretty face:

Probably hadn't really though. It was more luck than planning on my part...

So, we figured we'd just go back the way we came. And there, right where we'd started we saw it. The monster attacking our coast:

Ah! It was terrifying. Words cannot describe our fear. But 'terrifying' pretty much nails it, actually. There was only one option - I had to impress Lais! So, I stripped to my waist and leaped into it's mouth with some explosives I'd handily kept on me for such an eventuality:

and...

HOORAY! Job done. Monster vanquished. We sailed into port to a heroes welcome. Aside from some snarling male-model, sitting sullenly in the corner! Finally, some recognition for all those good deeds I do!

I figured this was a good a time as any to try and cop a feel of Lais, with all that goodwill knocking about, and me having been all manly...

I leaned in, and:

*SIGH* There's always another bloody sea-monster...

Nudity:

Nudity is allowed but it MUST be textlinked with a warning. This also means, you may not upload images containing nudity onto the BZ server as an attachment. Nudity includes, full nudity, partial nudity, nipplege of any sort, bare bottoms, and etc. Any images found will be deleted or made into a textlink by an admin or mod. You will also have your warning level raised and if at any point your warning level reaches 30%, your future on the board will be discussed between the admin. It may result in a temporary or permanent ban.

Size:

Images over 600 pixels in width must be thumbnailed or textlinked. This includes posting thumbnails or small images side by side resulting in it equaling greater than 600 pixels.

You can post bare bottoms now w/ textlinking

Anyways...she is waiting for you to come home. Lift up the pillow for a delightful surprise

Anyways...she is waiting for you to come home. Lift up the pillow for a delightful surprise

You see, this is why we go away to sea...

It's so we can come back home to this sort of thing!

:rofl:

omg Baron those were amazing!