Joe > Average

Oh, I am here. I meant there not here at the expense of confusion . That's as in being all there mentally or not verses mind on the other side of town.

Those chases are something else. They seldom get away and usually end up only endangering lives. The funny thing is though that the police are usually so pissed from the whole thing that they want nothing more than to beat them with the clubs but have to refrain because they know the camera's following them .

That Family Guy may not be big on character development, plot ect. but its usually good for a laugh . Interresting insight on the celebs . Of course, despite my hatred of her music and personality, I disagree about Christina having no talent. There aren't many singers out there right now with her power and range, but her style is so affected and void of emotion that I still have no use for it. One thing about being a celeb though, is it pays to be nice to casual strangers even if its for show. If you're a superstar and just show basic politeness, people will tell everyone they know you're a nice person. Its somewhat of an interresting commentary on the human race though as that same level of goodwill from a non famous person is usually overlooked. On the other hand, if you're famous and happen to be in a bad mood the one time someone meets you, you'll be a prick to their descendants, so some would say that balances out somewhat.

Reactions of People I Know Who Don't Know Models to Commercials

Most people I know don't know to many young models by name, so that combined with my general interrest in marketing always makes their comments interresting to me .

Marisa Vehicle Commercial - because of her speech, they couldn't believe she was a model and most thought she was a news person or something.

Kate Staring Commercial - generally positive feedback from the males whereas the females were generally annoyed by her speaking part at the end.

Kate Burger Commercial - funniest quote, "I would feed my right hand to an orc to f*** her."

Current VS Commercials - assorted comments about their size on the negative end and Candice and Lais received the most compliments on the positive end.

Adriana Car Commercial - assorted comments about her voice

Adriana Maybelline Commercial - some said she was one of the most beautiful women ever

"Off the record, on the QT, and very hush-hush..." (part two) Tales of being a Hollywood waiter

TERI HATCHER:

I've had more fun as a hostage in a convenience store than I did waiting on Teri Hatcher. The speed of the ceiling fan, the temperature of her soup, the volume of my voice, the type of music playing in the background, the lack of blue corn tortilla chips, the size of the silverware, the quality of toilet paper in the bathroom -- this crazy loon complained about EVERYTHING. And I suppose she was under the impression that I actually watch her fledgling faux comedy on ABC, because every time I approached the table she looked at me like I was about to ask for an autograph.

And speaking of, she threw a fit when I had to chase her down to the parking lot because she had neglected to sign her credit card receipt, and I can't claim my tip (in her case 15 percent) unless I have a signed credit card slip.

"But I did sign it," she protested as I held the clearly un-signed piece of paper in front of her.

KATHERINE HEIGL:

Oh Katie Heigl, with your proclamation that "I'll be the easiest person you've ever waited on!"

I'm not sure you and I agree on what constitutes "easy," given the amount of times you returned your Diet Coke to see if I could "fix the syrup level." I get it. There's a precise balance in these types of beverages that will make or break them. But after sending back a Diet Coke four times, maybe you should order an iced tea instead. I think you got your fix whilst smoking that entire pack of cigarettes in between bites, anyway.

KATIE HOLMES:

I have killed cockroaches at work with more warmth and personality than Katie Holmes (and I met her pre-Scientology when she was still with dufus Chris Klein - see below).

What I remember most about Katie, other than her oozing condescension, is that upon seeing how much Chris Klein tipped me (50%), the little darling couldn't help herself and exclaimed "No waiter deserves that much money!"

The same can also be said about actresses who were once relevant but now couldn't open a Bargain Mart, let alone a motion picture.

CHRIS KLEIN:

The guy really is dumber than a blind dog fetching a frisbee, but he couldn't have been nicer. Every question or statement came with a smile, and he always said "please" and "thank you."

The poor fool had my complete sympathy, as his then-girlfriend did nothing but nag him, insult his shirt, comment on how much he ate, and, yes, even judged his tip. And with each bitter quip from Katie, Chris just smiled and adored her.

I hope he takes some vindication in the death of her career. I know I do, and I only had to deal with her for one meal. He must have the patience of Job.

MATT LEBLANC:

"Jesus, leave me alone, let me sit in peace for a minute!" was the response I received to my inquiry of "May I bring you anything to drink?"

And thus fat, pompous, gray-haired Matt LeBlanc, whom I've always suspected of being just slightly mentally retarded, did not see me again.

EVANGELINE LILLY:

She's even more gorgeous in person, exceptionally low-maintenance, witty and engaging, and radiantly warm and friendly.

But beware, for as one annoying customer from across the restaurant found out, she doesn't enjoy discussing the secrets of LOST while brunching with friends.

GWYNETH PALTROW

I'll bet you really wish I had something awful to say about Gwyneth Paltrow, don't you?

Sorry. And while she isn't my #1 favorite celebrity customer of all time, she ranks highly up there.

Gwyneth, from my limited experience, is gracious, personable, and wickedly funny. She's the kind of girl who makes you want to pull up a chair and enjoy some macrobiotic treats and dark beer in her presence. She even took the time to pose with a group of chatty Asian tourists, who I later learned thought she was Kirsten Dunst.

JULIA ROBERTS

If she's America's sweetheart, then America needs to spend an evening serving her.

For starters, Julia Roberts is not friendly. Not by a long shot. Entitled, annoyed, and condescending? Yes. But friendly? Nope.

I wish I could say I communicated with her directly, but instead each time I took her order, she rolled her eyes at me and whispered to her husband, who communicated the order to me. For example:

ME: What would you like to drink?

(Julia rolls eyes, whispers in her husband's ear)

HUSBAND: She'd like a martini.

ME: Vodka or gin?

(Julia rolls eyes, whispers in her husband's ear)

HUSBAND: Vodka.

I made it a point to ask her husband as many questions as possible, including my favorite, "Is she done with her plate?" Her husband seemed mildly nice enough, but she was a diva of the worst kind - one who finds herself too good to talk to the rabble.

Phone makers are starting to give Canada exclusive phones/release dates that aren't stupidly behind anymore that said: New log in screen for WoW!

Oh, Pretty, pleeease go on, you just made my day, so funny

I've worked as a waitress once too for some time, I know what imbeciles you got to serve. I never met anyone famous though during that time. It might not be as funny for you being the one to endure, but those stories are just priceless!

Agree, those stories are priceless

Joe, I´m slowly getting used to the new BZ and enjoying it how about you?

Yeah Pretty, where did you get these stories from?

btw, no story really surprised me, as I already heard Chace is super nice and Gwyneth does not give the I'm-better-than-you impression although many people think otherwise.

^ I saw the author of this blog on 20/20 talking about how bad it can be waiting on people so I decided to look him up on the ABC site and found a little snippet from a blog he wrote.

"Off the record, on the QT, and very hush-hush..." (part three)

This entry marks the long-awaited, years-in-the-making revelation of my least favorite celebrity encounter of all time.

Make that "encounters," actually (read on). So without further ado, allow me to introduce the talentless, personality-deficient, dead-inside, walking-product endorsement known as...

JESSICA SIMPSON

DAY ONE:

We first met many years ago when I was complementing my restaurant gig with a job at a highfalutin, overpriced "gym" in Beverly Hills, which is like complementing nipple spikes with a rusty rectal thermometer.

My job was simple. Make sure every single member checks in. No matter who they are, what they've won, or whose anatomy they've sniffed coke off of to win it.

In waltzed preciously Proactiv'd Mizz Simpson, sunglasses on, nose in the air, three gym bags on her orange-tanned shoulders, and a dog in a carrier.

She walked right past me.

"Excuse me?" I said. "Hi. Are you a member?"

She looked at me as if I'd just hurled all over her Birkin.

"Uhm...................yeah?" she answered, waiting for the logic in why I would dare ask such a question.

"Soooo," I replied with condescending hand motions, "You need to....check in?"

"Yeah, sure, you can look up my name on your little computer. It's Simpson? Jessica?" And with that, she turned on her bitchy heels and strolled off.

"EXCUSE ME?" I called again. "Dogs aren't allowed in the club."

And clearly I've already bent that rule once today.

"Yeah," she smirked. "The manager said it was cool." She smacked her Splenda-sweetened gum and walked off.

--

DAY TWO:

Mizz Simpson returned later that week, this time with a friend in tow. They both walked right past me without checking in.

"Excuse. Me," I said firmly. "You both need to check in."

"Oh, she's not a member," she reassured me.

"Okaaaay," I replied. "So...do you have a guest pass? If not you'll need to purchase one."

She stood there, annoyed and indecisive. Her polite friend said, "Sure, I'll buy a pass, no problem."

"Uhm. No." Jessica retorted. "I pay good money to work out here, and my friend is thinking of joining [bULL SHIT], so why should I have to buy a guest pass?"

I tried to explain the logic to her, but I found this akin to giving verbal clues for a scavenger hunt to a group of deaf children.

With that, she stormed into the manager's office, and I was written up that afternoon for "being difficult."

LATER THAT NIGHT...

I hightailed it from my job in Beverly Hills over the canyon with only 20 minutes to spare until my dinner shift at the restaurant.

I walked in to find I'd be taking over a lunch server's table, a table I could hear bellowing drunkenly from the parking lot.

A table that featured Jessica Simpson at its helm.

"....Hi," I announced after glaring at everyone present for a good five seconds.

Everyone acknowledged me, except Jessica. She was too busy texting and smacking her gum to care that a waiter was in her presence.

But once she noticed me? Hisssssss. Though she never addressed our mutual hatred, she expressed it through complaining about her food, sending back her order, and asking to speak to the manager because I "wasn't friendly."

So. I was written up twice in one day, at two different jobs, because of this vocally impaired, tuna-loving trollup.

THE LAST TIME I SAW HER:

Months later, Mizz Simpson and her sickening band of sycophants returned to the restaurant. Fortunately for me they were sat in someone else's section.

And even though I really shouldn't disclose what happened next, as it was a bit of a tabloid scandal...

Jessica Simpson looks onward while friend throws up in restaurant

...it was a banner night. Jessica, her assistant (who in all fairness is lovely, polite and very gracious), and her assistant's boyfriend (who is not) decided to get over John Mayer's choosing more Jen Aniston and less Jess by consuming copious amounts of tequila for four hours straight.

And her poor assistant became quite ill and took to hurling projectile vomit all over the booth.

The boyfriend quickly ran outside to get the car, as someone - perhaps me - had alerted the paparazzi, who were lying in wait with their flashes.

And while the manager and several other servers took to comforting the assistant as she continued to throw up, Jessica sat disinterested two booths down, chatting up Tony Romo on the phone. No holding her friend's hair while she vomited, no offering to help clean up, no assistance whatsoever. Her sole interaction with her poor friend was to glare at her while she flirted with her rebound.

I can't help but think that if Jessica had handled herself with just an ounce of humility, a semblance of gratitude, an iota of genuine kindness, that she wouldn't be so wildly reviled by servers and gym employees the world over. Her fading career, limited talents and increasing waist size are all karma, in my opinion.

-

"Off the record, on the QT, and very hush-hush..." (part four)

CHARLIE SHEEN:

Years ago, while in the presence of Hollywood's latest train wreck, I encountered few signs of his current dementia. I did, however, glean this nugget from the experience.

CHARLIE SHEEN: (drunk) HEY WAITER...

ME: Mmm?

CHARLIE: What do you all do with the food you throw out at the end of the night?

ME: It goes in the Dumpster. Why?

CHARLIE: Because I have, like, a shit load of food left over from a party and I'm trying to find a place to throw it all away. 'Cause I don't want to give it to crazy homeless people. Maybe I'll just use your Dumpter.

ME: Go right ahead.

CHARLIE: Wasn't asking for permission, bro.

SARAH SILVERMAN:

I've dealt with employees at the California DMV who've come closer to making me laugh than Sarah Silverman.

I don't find her funny. I don't find her shocking. I don't find her intelligent. I find her tired, desperate, and annoying in a way that could only be reproduced by sniffing gasoline while babysitting a pack of crying Armenian children in a van in the thick of Friday night traffic on the 405 while my mom sits in the backseat asking if I've found a church yet.

Sarah complained that our tortilla chips weren't vegan. She complained that we didn't have vegan fajitas. She complained that the music was too loud. She complained that the lighting was too dim. She complained that I didn't refill her water quickly enough. She complained that her husband's meat dish was making her sick. She complained that she was complaining.

Thank God her husband tipped. And divorced her.

ASHLEE SIMPSON:

After railing on her sister last week, I feel it's only fair I say that Ashlee Simpson was a polite, friendly, well-tipping customer. And even her squirrely husband was nice.

Her pervy father? Not so much.

KRISTEN STEWART:

"Oh. Hi. I'm, like, Kristen Stewart. I look like I'm taking a nap as you try to take my order because you'll never understand the pain and angst I suffer from. I hate acting. I hate Twilight. I hate my fans. All of this is really a burden. I wish I could just, like, hang out at home and look at flannel samples and chain smoke and watch television ironically.

I'm, like, really beautiful and misunderstood, and I want to pretend that I don't want everyone to see me and notice me. If I speak so softly when I order that you can't understand me, it's because I am delicate, I am a pixie, I am a really, like, gentle soul. I am better than you.

Oh, and I don't tip. Your tip is waiting on me. Me, Kristen Stewart, the most foul, smelly, cunty hipster you'll ever meet."

REESE WITHERSPOON:

Reese, on the other hand, is every bit the polite lady. Her children were well-behaved. Her manners impeccable. Her tip generous. And after waiting on her consecutively for a few months, she even took the time to learn my name.

And to boot, she's even more attractive in person.

RENEE ZELLWEGER:

And last but certainly not least, meet my unlikely favorite for "Best Celebrity Customer. Ever."

Toward the end of my shift, Renee and her friend quietly entered the restaurant, politely acknowledged that we'd be closing soon, and offered to order everything at once and pay immediately as well so that I could leave at a decent hour.

More than any other celebrity mentioned, Renee Zellweger was the friendliest, funniest, most gracious, appropriately personable, and even encouraging. I actually found myself not wanting her to leave.

And while her bill was only $40 or so, she gave me a $100 bill and left before I could bring back the change.

So thank you, Renee Zellweger, for being someone who professed to making her start working in bars and restaurants, and for not forgetting your humble roots. I think you're adorable.

Your posts just reminded me of a link I saved some time ago. It's from 2002 and while most of them are just rumours and hearsay, many of these things turned out to be true.

http://www.twodorks.com/faxes/fax-celebritygossip.htm

Thanks Pretty, I appreciate your efforts .

Pretty those are all just worth a medal! Thank you for sharing great read I have no idea why, and no idea if all of its it´s true, but I´ve always felt just THIS about the celebrities he mentions

Points for Renee

Tired of not being the life of the party? The girls think you don't "measure up?" Having problems in bed with the misses? This will spice up your social and sex life:

Just remember, the first spin is always on the house

Aside from the new layout changes Pretty decided to show herself to the rest of BZ I got the first good look:

Joe while assisting with the layout and overall forum agenda also had a side project of how to make two of his favorite foods be more convenient to eat bacon and cheezeburgers:

Last but not least: Limerlight that little scoundrel was hard at work at his job:

And Zoidberg? Well.... Was Being Zoidberg:

^ lmao

Less Grossman

Day[9] The Teacher of all that is good and epic in starcraft plays Amnesia, here are some highlights from Amnesia and other Random Clips:

Zombie apocalypse becomes reality in Miami as police shoot naked, mindless man literally eating the face off another man :morning:

The long-dreaded "zombie apocalypse" may already be underway in Miami, where a human zombie -- a mindless naked man -- was encountered by police officers who found him literally feasting on the face of another naked man. This is a true event and has been reported by CBS Miami

"Miami police shot and killed a man on the MacArthur Causeway Saturday afternoon, and police sources told CBS4 they had no choice: the naked man they shot was trying to chew the face off another naked man, and refused to obey police orders to stop his grisly meal. ...Officers found one man gnawing on the face of another, in what one police source called the most gruesome thing he’d ever seen."

At that point, the police officers shot the zombie once, but he continued feeding on the other man's face. They were forced to shoot him again, which mercifully killed him. Then they sought to aid the victim whose face was already mostly eaten off.

"With the attacker dead, lying nude on the pavement, officers and paramedics were able to get to his victim and rush him to Jackson Memorial Hospital. Police sources say the man had virtually no face and was unrecognizable. Once the bizarre confrontation came to an end, police were left with the task of figuring out what had happened..."

It's happening Joe!

LOL, thanks guys . I'm the brawler, street fighter, brains and also the one that can live off of the land. On the other hand, if it were a movie, I am black, so I'd also be the one to die first too . Hysterical women and stupid kids will definitely get you killed. I'd also throw dogs and insecure, overcompensating male friends looking for a way to prove themselves .